Broadjam Artist: allison bolton
Song: I'm READY
Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tom Worth (Songwriter, Producer, Pro Songwriting Coach)
Pro General Comments: Very nice song Allison! Sorry it took me a few weeks to review...been traveling. Production, vocal, and mix are all excellent. I would focus on this section rather than ratings above.Your lyrics are good but I think they could expand and explain the story better at times. The 2nd line of the chorus is powerful (I'm tired of fighting for who I used to be.) Other than losing his wife you don't talk about how his life used to be and what he misses. I think that could easily be addressed in the 2nd verse. Here are some thoughts:Verse 1: instead of "kids made life worth while" maybe say something like "raising a family made life worth while." This way it incorporates the wife as well (kind of lol). Cause I'm guessing that missing his wife is a huge part of the reason he's ready to go.Pre: LOVE the first line and the melody. I think you can beat "made his life sad." For example, "Makes me long for the past," or "all I do is think back"...something like that . And feel free to use any of my ideas...I'm not looking for co-writing credit lol. Chorus: 1st 3 lines are great. I think last line could be a little more heartfelt. Maybe something like, "don't worry baby I'll always be watching over you." I don't love "still be here" cause he'll be in heaven as you say in bridge. Musically and melodically the chorus is fine, but it sure sounds a lot like the verse. I'm guessing you've spent money on this track and don't want to re-record the instruments...and I get that. But if that wasn't a factor I would suggest maybe starting the chorus on the D instead of the A (and addressing melody accordingly). That little lift before the chorus (D chord) doesn't really build it much so I'd get rid of it. I'd also make the turn (music between end of chorus and 2nd verse) a little longer to let the listener take in this heavy message. BUT...again the music is ok as is if you don't want to re-record instruments.Verse 2 and pre: Here is where I'd talk about what he's tired of fighting for, and why he's ready. Be specific. How his misses his wife, how his back hurts, etc. Talking about all this will naturally lead into 2nd chorus. Also...the 2nd pre doesn't match the phrasing/melody of 1st pre. I would address that when re-writing lyrics.Bridge: over all it's nice but a little confusing. Ideas: There are a lot of "he said's" in here so instead of starting with "I said" maybe just address him. For example, "Oh Daddy you know..."I think it's interesting that you want him to be with you when you die (from heaven). But I don't think that concept goes into the 3rd chorus story wise. I would suggest either:1.Simply change the 2nd line to say something like "I want you to know I'll there beside you when it's time for you to go" and then simply eliminate the last 2 lines. You may be able to do this without rerecording instruments by simply cutting out 2 lines musically. If that doesn't work here's another option2.If you want to keep a 3rd and 4th line I would still do what I said in line 2 above, but then use 3rd and 4th line to say how you know your mom will be there too (when he's ready to go) or something like that.Also - over all I would avoid saying "whom." Grammar aside...who sounds better ?I think this tune is worth working. I hope this is helpful and keep up the great work!
Quote From Pro: Allison's vocals communicate her lyrics very well. Great stuff.