Broadjam Artist: Steven McDonald
Song: Do You Hear The Call 20
Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tom Worth (Songwriter, Producer, Pro Songwriting Coach)
Pro General Comments: Once again Steven (referring to last review)- your voice is truly AWESOME. Very good production as well. Overall, I think this song is good but could be great. Here are some suggestions to hopefully make it great!Lyrically, I LOVE the message here, but I think it can be delivered more impactfully. The verse lyrics are good, but they feel more judgmental than inspiring/motivating. Furthermore, it's always a fine line in songwriting between being specific enough for people to feel it and care, but vague enough to expand the audience as much as possible. I think this song needs more specifics. I would re-write the majority of the verse lyrics if I were you. I like starting with the hook, but then I'd focus on being more specific and less judgmental. More on that in a minute...As for the chorus, musically and melodically it sounds more like a bridge to me than a chorus. That's fine for some songs, but this song has so much potential that I think it should be bigger. Think "One Moment In Time" by Whitney Houston. I'd also consider bookending the hook (starting and finishing chorus with "do you hear the call."So if you do that (re-write chorus to start and end with hook), here's an idea to be less judgmental. This would require changing the structure a bit. Instead of doing a bridge after 2nd double verse, do a 2nd chorus there (same lyrics as first chorus). Then have bridge and modulate into last chorus where you change it to "I hear the call". Then the whole song could be like you are talking to yourself and so less judgmental. I think this would speak to more people. Getting back to verses, again I think they are too vague and disconnected. I would tell only one story in 1st double verse and only one story in 2nd double verse. Engage the listener. Maybe 1st verse story line is:Do you hear the call...there are hungry, fatherless, sick children that need help. For what I/we spend on a latte I/we could feed them. Etc. (ideas not lyrics...I know it doesn't rhyme :) But be specific. Say what people are suffering from and how it seems impossible for just one person to help. Production:The production is almost too good in this song in parts! For example, the 2nd and 4th lines of first half of first verse have harmonies. These harmonies are AWESOME and the singers are clearly pro's and know what they're doing, but it doesn't allow song to build. I would wait until either 2nd half of 1st verse or even the 2nd verse to do verse harmonies/background vocals. Let the song build production wise as you deliver the message.I would also consider using strings here and there. Especially if you re write chorus. It's a very emotional instrument. I think the intro is unnecessarily long. It doesn't really draw me in. I'd get it down to 14 seconds or so. As for the current last chorus that modulates into more ad lib stuff, that's cool but (like I said earlier) I would modulate before last chorus so it sounds like a "coming to Jesus" type chorus and completion of the song.As I re read what I've written, it sounds kind of negative. NOT my intention! I think you're totally onto something here - I'm just giving suggestions to make it even better. Keep up the GREAT work.
Quote From Pro: Steven is a stud. Amazing singer with legit songs.
