Month: October 2021

Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund Carter
Song: Zipcode

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)

Pro General Comments: Charles, this is a really good work. This song has a shot of doing a lot for you. There are only a few suggestions that I would make.I would consider changing the title to "I Wonder If Heaven Has A ZIP Code". It tells the listener what he's about to hear in a more specific way. That's a good thing. Compelling.I would also consider changing the fourth line of the chorus to "When he gets it, I know he'll be glad."That removes all negativity ("won't be mad") from the line, which makes it much stronger.The last suggestion I would make is a musical one.In the chorus, I like when you hit the ninth on the word "wings". It is a cool bit of tension.However, in verse one on the word "tree", she is hitting a note that sounds as if it's off. She's staying on the "G" (which is the ninth), but here it sounds forced and off key. The same is true for the word "me" in the second verse. For some reason, it sounds off key in the verses. I would seriously consider moving both those notes up to an "A". It's much less of a speedbump that way.Your producer should be able to do that with his autotune software. It should be a piece of cake.Speaking of your producer, he's hit it out of the park again. Very good work on all instrumentation. I love the way it builds.Your vocalist is spot on. I hope she's making money doing children's recordings.All in all, this is an excellent piece of work. Consider making the changes that I've mentioned to you, Charles. You might have an Evergreen here. That's what they call a piece of work that makes you royalties for 70 years after you're dead.

Quote From Pro: Charles Edmund Carter's lyrics are very emotive and will tug at the strings of even the hardest heart.

Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund Carter
Song: River Of Memories

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)

Pro General Comments: Charles, this is not bad. It is a saccharine sweet waltz, full of nostalgia, and for those reasons you might have a hard time placing it with other artists. Personally, I haven't seen much demand for this type of material for the last two or three decades, but that could be just my particular case.The biggest problem I have with this song is that your chorus is way too close to the melody of "On Top Of Old Smoky". It's not a copyright problem in that "On Top Of Old Smoky" is public domain and considered traditional.But you don't want a hint of using somebody else's melody in one of your songs. Like, ever. I would address this problem at my earliest convenience were I you.You might want to consider changing one of your verses chord progression and melody so that it becomes a bridge. That way you could have a song form that is verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge-chorus-tag and out. I probably have mentioned this to you before, but this is the most used song form in the past 125 years. It has been in the Billboard charts 70 to 80% of the time. And there's no use reinventing the wheel. If it works, use it.I have to confess that this is good work. It's just not a song that will be moving up the charts anytime soon. It is very dated in that respect.Keep 'em comin', Charles. I see signs of your moving up the ladder with every one of these that I do.

Quote From Pro: Charles Edmund Carter is a talented man on a mission to improve the face of the music world.

Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund Carter
Song: Millie From Oklahoma

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)

Pro General Comments: Charles, once again your production team has knocked it out of the park. The music is excellently produced and well played.I'm wondering if these lyrics, however, might not be more suited to a ballad type of approach. We are talking about a desperate person here. It seems to me that if you're going to have this be a two-step up-tempo, you need to play it off as if you were making fun of Millie from Oklahoma for allowing herself to become so desperate. Or for her clueless thinking that the next cowboy was going to be different from the last.Some consideration should be given to the fact that you are four minutes and 40 seconds long. You will be hard-pressed to get that onto radio.I'm not so sure I'm crazy about having the entire first verse be a cappella. Maybe half of it, but the whole thing makes it a tad long.I'm also having a problem with the name of the song being "Millie From Oklahoma". You say "Millie from Oklahoma" ONCE at the very front of the song, and it's never mentioned again. That is not the definition of a hook or a title.I suggested "I Plan To Talk A While" as a title in the review section, but on further reflection, "Whiskey Gets Me Talking" might even be better.In my humble opinion, the bridge has got to go. It's way more depressing than even the body of the song, and the music doesn't even fit. You got a couple of big major ninth chords in there.It really is a huge speedbump.I would say break this song down into a verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge (a more appropriate one than the one here)-chorus-tag and out.Go over every line and show me some Charles Edmund Carter cleverness as you rewrite them. On this song, you probably have to do more cutting down than you do rewriting.Hope this helps. Keep the faith, brother.

Quote From Pro: Charles Edmund Carter knows how to lay down a two-step.

Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund Carter
Song: Dallas

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)

Pro General Comments: This is the second time I've heard this song. The first version was a male vocal in the third person, this version is a female vocal in the first person. Other than that, they're pretty much the same, and I will be saying pretty much the same thing I said before.The production of your song is fantastic. All the right instruments in exactly the right places. Please congratulate whoever your production people are.The female vocalist is excellent. Very powerful.This is some of your best work. I like your idea. It is different.Here are the suggestions I would have for changes you might consider in your lyric.Verse one: Everything looks good until you get to the last two lines, "I sing with such compassion, That all my fans can sayIt seems she's singing all her songs to me".How about something like, "I sing with such CONVICTION, A lot of my fans say, she wrote her songs just for me,"?That uses a word usually POISONOUS to me. "Just". I hate that word. Most the time, it is JUST a throw away syllable. But here, it sounds like something someone would actually say.To me, that is more concise. It doesn't repeat the word "all" and doesn't have the words "It seems", which is a well-worn clich. I mean, it's a BAD one unless, you can find a completely new and fresh take on how it's being used. It also does not overuse the word "sings". It replaces it with "writes".The pre-chorus stands up. You might brainstorm something stronger than "Regardless he's with her anyway,". How about "Now it doesn't matter anyway"?As far as the chorus is concerned, I think the second line should be, "you can feel the POWER in my song." "Passion" doesn't cut it. It's so overused.After that, it's cool until you get to the last two lines, again."I'll keep singing 'til I'm dead, Or the pain is gone." I would seriously consider, if I were you, dropping three words from this line. They are "I'm dead or". "Dead" is a very harsh word. If you can get it out of any songs you are writing, you are better off doing it. Plus, you don't need the extra syllables. I would be stretching out the words "till the pain is gone", making them stronger. "I'll keep singing, till the PAAAAAAIN IIIS GOOOOONE."I would also mull over the possibility of changing the title to "Till The Pain Is Gone". It is MUCH more what the song is about.The Second Verse? Once more with the last two lines."Her driver keeps on drivin' and drivin' through the night, But he never seems to drive her pain away,"? Too many "driv-"syllables. You don't want to use the word "pain" anywhere but in the last line of the chorus, do you? Dilutes its power.I wouldn't. How about "My driver keeps the hammer down, all through the night,But he can't drive my sorrow away,"?You may use these suggestions (or not) without charge. You don't even need to name me as your cowriter. Or not.All in all, Charles Edmund Carter, you are coming along. Progressing well. Keep up the good work.I'd love to hear this song again after you implement some of these changes. I really think they might be an improvement.This could be a really good song. I'd love to see you make it into one.

Quote From Pro: Charles Edmund Carter will tug on your heartstrings.

Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund Carter
Song: Folsom

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)

Pro General Comments: Well done, Charles. This one has some very clever lines in it."The best thing I ever did was a felony," is really off the charts good.Also, kudos to your production team once again. Keep these guys on your payroll.Here are my suggestions:The first verse should be what you have marked here as the first verse and second verse. The second verse should be what you have marked here as the third verse and the fourth verse combined.The last two lines of these two new verses should rise all the way up to the top of the range while remaining within the same chord structure. In other words, change the melody of these two lines without changing the music. Make them into a pre-chorus.I wish I could send you a recording of what I hear for how those could work.After these structural changes have been made on the verses, this is how the arrangement should go, IMHO.First Verse (used to be the first verse and the second verse), CHORUS, Second Verse (used to be the third verse and the fourth verse), CHORUS, Bridge, CHORUS, CHORUS, tag and out.The guitar break in the middle should be completely expunged. It's not that it's BAD, it's not necessary to keep the listener interested, especially if you go straight into the bridge from where you are. To tell you the truth, Charles, if you are attempting to place this song with another artist, they definitely do not want to hear guitar breaks. They are listening to the SONG. Your guitar player's expertise, no matter how good it is, does not significantly help your chances of getting the song placed.I believe the title to this song should be "Prison of Luxury". I think this song could live without any reference at all to Folsum prison. Johnny Cash pretty much has a copyright on the concept, if nothing else.Could be something like, "Max security, prison of luxury" as a last line in the chorus. Just an idea.But I would ditch "Folsom" from everywhere in the song, if I could. The song is too good to have to live off of a Johnny Cash reference. That's the first thing people are going to think about when they read "Folsom" as the title of the song.Anyway, this is really good work. Your writing is definitely improving, and I am impressed.Keep up the good work.

Quote From Pro: Charles Edmund Carter keeps getting better and better.

Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund Carter
Song: Folsom

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Nikki Hornsby (Songwriter, Artist, Producer, Arranger)

Pro General Comments: As a great technique to gain interest I am REALLY impressed with that choice of "I got a cot" first line. Needless to say, I went to the lyric page immediately and that was great to read along as I try to do after first pass on listening. Truly I hear a swinging 4/4 number but with this vocal here it's more country. To make it more rock classic you might change the vocalist but if you are shopping it then curious to who you see recording it as it's a uniquely good Charles Edmund Carter (CEC) song as it is now. The production is good. So as I am left to ask you what is your goal for this song you & your Publisher sees? I know in my opinion only that it swings and the feel isn't Rock as much as Country. Try a harder guitar lead player on the break screaming as rock guitarist may provide. A few instrumental arrangements might change from the country swing to a classic Rock but then you'd possibly loose a little in how it leaves the listener with this song as it is now. That is your creative choice as "Folsom" title always takes those who knows old country to Johnny Cash but I think he'd not do it as well as CEC. So therefore, I've got to put it into the Country Swing Genre but if you listen to Rock Classic numbers instrumentation and the vocalists that released them you might agree. I do like this tempo and its production here as I hear little to point negatively towards. Time of the song is good for allowing commercials for a paid program airtime and then some of the listeners to place in their downloads too. Bravo!

Quote From Pro: This swing up tempo song is fun to listen in its up tempo feeling about a prison stay. I guess as your title is Folsom. WOW but I clicked to hear your submission on my first pass and ... Seriously ... I had to read the first line of your lyrics as it comes across differently in my ear today but maybe just be my mind at the time but as an attention grabber it works! Maybe getting the genre into maybe a Pop Swing Country might fit the bill but it's one of your originals that can be listened to repeatedly leaving a let's repeat this again on the playlist. I look forward to hearing and reviewing for Broadjam Pro Song reviews a few MORE of your songs. I think your work is getting better each one I review. Thank you for "Folsom" as it's not a lonesome prison blues at all from your descriptive lyrics and music.