Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund Carter
Song: Colorado
Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)
Pro General Comments: Charles, this is a good one. I like the idea, and I like the music.I have an idea for a change in the chorus because I think what you have is too long.I think the chorus should be:"Colorado, you weren't supposed to happen,We thought we were only passing through,But a broken-down car left us where we are, And we fell in love with you,"The meter of this new chorus should be stretched out. The word "Colorado" should almost be four half notes. The rest of the melody should be stretched out to cover the same amount of time that you have here with your chorus, but the notes should be stretched out longer to cover the space. I sure hope this advice is understandable.What this does it is makes the chorus much more distinguishable from the verse, which is very desirable. It also makes the chorus much more easily memorable. Remember, you want the audience at your concert to walk out the door singing that chorus in their head. It won't happen unless it's very simple, and very short.If you decide that you'd like to go with this chorus, it's a freebie. I won't demand that you make me a cowriter. As a matter of fact, I can't be your cowriter. It's in my contract with Broadjam that I don't do that.Anyway, go through the rest of the song and find out if there is anything that you can cut out. Excess words. For instance, in the first verse you have the line "we knew our luck was at an end". The "We knew" is entirely superfluous and needs to go. The line should read "Our luck was at an end."Do that with every single line in the song. Make sure there are no extra words. You will be amazed at how much stronger your song appears after you have done this process.Another example of this is the line "It's lonely when you're far from home". Can you see the superfluous words in that line?They are the words "when you're". The line could get by and express the same meaning if it was only "It's lonely far from home."This is an important principle for you to start using in your songs, Charles.This song is going to be a good one when you get 'er done the way it's supposed to be. It's a good idea. You have good melody you have good background instrumentation.All it lacks is polishing.
Quote From Pro: Charles Edmund Carter's songs will tug at your heartstrings.