Broadjam Artist: BigAlbatross
Song: Shortcut To Love
Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tom Worth (Songwriter, Producer, Pro Songwriting Coach)
Pro General Comments: Very nice song Al! You clearly are no amateur. I'm impressed by your songwriting and the high recording quality. This song has market potential, I think you're a few tweaks away from having a very special song.Lyrics:Overall, your lyrics are very good, but I'd like to see you supporting/building up the hook in the first verse. For example, you could start off song with something like "You're all I want I want to rush right in and tell you." I'm not saying that's a great line, but it builds hook by saying you want to rush in (but there's no shortcut to love).Also - when pitching to a commercial market, it's important to follow those unofficial "rules" of commercial songwriting. Overall you did - well done! But, I'd suggest following the same rhyme scheme in each verse. Currently, Verse 1 has an AABC rhyme scheme while verse 2 has an ABCC rhyme scheme. This is a no-no in commercial music. Industry pro's see this and automatically assume you don't know what you're doing, even if the rest of the song is well written! It's stupid...but it's reality. Personally, I like the rhyme scheme in Verse 2 where the 1st 2 lines do NOT rhyme. Song Story Line:Your bridge came as a surprise to me! On first listen I was assuming they were in a fairly new relationship and he was just afraid to go too fast. I realize you said in opening line "but you don't know me." I interpreted that as she hadn't gotten to know the real you yet. Maybe this was your intention, or maybe I'm just slow lol. Either way, I would choose 1 of 2 scenarios and re-write some of the verse lyrics accordingly:Scenario 1:The couple is in a new relationship (or at least friends) and you are simply head over heels for her but don't want to scare her awayScenario 2:The way it is...they are NOT in any sort of relationship.If you were the artist, I'd say either scenario works. But if you're trying to pitch this song to current country artists, I'd say go with scenario 1. Male country artists these days are pretty egotistical and would rather come off as cute than as a stalker. That being said, here are some ideas to make scenario 1 work.1st Verse-start supporting hook sooner-tell story line of you know this girl (as friends or dating - you don't really need to define) and that you want to tell her so badly that you love her but you know betterChorus:I'd be more specific about why you can't just tell her. "I see heartache ahead" is good but explain that. What is her specific reaction you're afraid of happening? Don't wanna move too fast, afraid she isn't feeling the same, etc.2nd Verse:I wouldn't repeat the 2nd half of first line - say something new. I think the stuff you're saying here is what I want in the 5th and 6th lines of chorus. Maybe take a whole new angle in 2nd verse like you know you should play hard to get but it's so hard.Bridge:Unfortunately, with this scenario the entire bridge would have to change. Lots of options but here are some ideas:-you wish you could speed ahead in time to where you're "together"-how do you hold it in?-difference between being honest and "the game"I realize I'm on one hand saying I like your lyrics, but then suggesting you re-write most of them! It's simply because I think you will have a much better chance with pitching song to an artist with Scenario 1.Recording:Great recording. Great singer. The only thing I would change is intro. For commercial pitches keep intro less than 14 seconds. Sounds crazy I know, but I've actually been in a meeting with a Pro publisher and after 20 seconds of my $1,000 demo they stopped it and told me my intro was too long and never listened to song.
Quote From Pro: Very nice song Al! You clearly are no amateur. I'm impressed by your songwriting and the high recording quality. This song has market potential, I think you're a few tweaks away from having a very special song.