Broadjam Artist: Randall Mark
Song: Wonder Boy (alternate)
Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Todd Herfindal (Songwriter, Musician, Producer, Engineer, Indie Record Label)
Pro General Comments: A nice, almost duet styled acoustic-based folky singer-songwriter vibe with a real warm-hearted spirit in the music, melody, vocals and overall approach. The female lead vocal has a nice tone, and comes across with the kind of pureness/ innocence that a song like this needs. Structurally, the song's arrangement resembles a kind of verse /lift (PC)/ chorus approach, which works pretty well. The chorus melody is nicely differentiated from the verse and PC melodies and feels pretty natural. I'll say that perhaps the song might benefit from a sung bridge to help round out the lyrics a bit more. The track in it's current state is 3:16. Adding a short sung 30 second bridge means you could still be in a good place as far as the running time, which might land you around 3:45. One other observation: In chorus2 the pause between the 1st and second half comes across like a little flat tire where some momentum is lost. I might skip the pause and just roll into 2nd half. Lyrically, one thing I'm noticing is that each chorus lyric seems to be a little different from the next. Sometimes this can make it more challenging for the listener to get or grasp the chorus as each chorus is lyrically varied. Once idea might be to create one uniform chorus lyric that only gets changed or alternated when the last chorus arrives. That way the listener's got the chorus lyrics in their heads and can potentially hear the lyrical change from a basis point of knowing how the chorus is supposed to sound like. Lastly, watch out for mood deviations in lyrics that can be distracting while going somewhat against the theme like "If you looked deep in my eyes, would you find a true love or just a pocket of lies." It's really the "pocket of lies" line that feels mismatched to the mood/vibe/message. Last lyrical observation is that the 3rd verse lyrics take a bit of a U turn with the protagonist losing faith in herself and then her "wonder boy" . . "But I'm too shy to talk to you, not even a word, not even a few And I don't dare walk up to you, I don't have the nerve to make my big move So I guess I'll look for another boy, I'll keep on searching for my wonder boy." So. . in essence you're telling the listener (paraphrasing of course) "I'm too shy, so I'll look for another guy." This shyness turning to lack of faith in the guy somewhat undermines the rest of the song, and what it's saying. If I were co-writing this with you, I'd suggest staying in the infatuation zone rather than the doubt zone. Lyrical deviations like this which leave the established character/mood of the song can be distracting for the listener, who now may not at all believe in your "wonder boy" which may not be the goal. Overall this is a strong demo/recordings and a promising song that might benefit from any or all of the suggestions I've made above. I appreciate you letting me hear the song and chime in on your creative process. Best of luck!!
Quote From Pro: A nice almost duet styled acoustic-based folky singer-songwriter vibe with a real warm-hearted spirit in the music, melody, vocals and overall approach.