Broadjam Artist: Paul Reidy
Song: Whiskey In my coffee
Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Robert Dellaposta (Writer, A&R, Publisher)
Pro General Comments: This has a retro rock feel to it much like the female rock artists of the eighties and nineties Ala Pat Benatar and Lita Ford to name a couple. The form/structure is more alternative than commercial rock. The meter and phrasing of the three verses are different which affects the melody and might make it harder for your listener to remember the words and melody. I like 6 line verses. They are easy to rhyme and when they follow an AABCCB rhyme pattern they can be very catchy and memorable.Ice/Night/Black/Band/Hand/Land is AABCCC which is a close match. if you would have rhymed Black in line 6 it would be a perfect match.The second verse uses an AABBCC rhyme scheme which is very different than verse 1.Verse three has 8 lines and that affects the melody and phrasing which isn't something i would advise making a habit of. Symmetry is important if you are wanting to write commercial catchy memorable songs regardless of the genre. Verses should all have similar rhyme patterns, meter, phrasing and melody. There's an infusion of country lyrics in this rock arrangement as well. Whiskey in my coffee is a common country theme. The verses are all unpredictable which isn't a bad thing but i want you to keep in mind that it's important your listener can follow the lyric and music without being distracted by changes in rhyme, meter, phrasing and melody. The melodic hook you start the chorus with is good...it's rock and it's familiar...easy to remember and sing. The chorus starts strong then it wanders a little because of it's length. I'd prefer a shorter chorus and I'd prefer you end with the hook same as you started with the hook...means everything to me is not the hook...it's not memorable and lacks the impact of whiskey in my coffee in my opinion. Coffee is an E rhyme which you've supported so it should be easy to plug the hook into the last line.Here's an option to try. He's 100 proof pure caffeine he's the whiskey in my coffee. Just a suggestion. Songs about being in a band or being a singer are usually written by a singer who is in a band. This type of song is hard to pitch to singer/songwriters. The arrangement is close to four minutes which isn't bad. The bridge is an option which could also be used as a tag in the last chorus...The double tracking of the female vocal gave it an edge but it was a little pitchy on the higher notes. I like the energy of the groove.
Quote From Pro: Paul Reidy has a fun and positive spirit that is easy to feel in his music and lyric. He mixes retro rock with country rock which is appealing to all age groups.