Broadjam Artist: Paradox Playground - Judy Calem and Jim Beggs / Aerial Au
Song: STAY FOR A WHILE*
Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Diana Williamson (Songwriter, Music Supervisor)
Pro General Comments: Please note: I don't comment on quality of individual instrumentation as my expertise delves more into overall performance, marketing, melody, etc The interesting thing is that you want to seduce this person with the beautiful mysterious smile.You conjure up a fun, playful vibe and develop your theme nicely. Maybe give us a little more about this person to keep the storyline evolving. What is their response to your suggestion of taking you home? What is it about their smile that gets you exactly? Give us some details to make this song stand out.The opening is a little confusing. Why do you have a variety of different hello's? (if that's what they indeed are?) You are talking about one person in your sight aren't you? This feels a little gimmicky. Perhaps left better to a bridge type of idea.There are a lot of songs about seduction. One that comes to mind is Hot Child in the City, you can just feel that sexy vibe permeate the air. What is going to make you stand out with this song? You have to ask yourself what is going to make this song compete against the others for a listener's attention? The idea of different welcoming words is that kinda' idea but it doesn't seem to be developed ..... and not sure you really need it... What happens at the end? Does the singer gain victory?Again the hook has a lot of repetition. Maybe an extra rhyme scheme could make it a little more exciting than just repeating the title. The melody feels like it can also be developed a bit more. It feels a little linear and you really want to hammer that melody home so a person walks away singing it. Right now I'm not sure that would happen.The idea is fun but needs some more work to make it the stand out piece you want to work for yourself in the marketplace. If you haven't done so already -study a few current radio hits because the production is changing constantly so you want to try and replicate some of the great arrangement ideas to stay fresh and current. Things can become dated in months if you are not careful.If you can dig a bit deeper and share what is really bringing these two souls together- you will grab your listener's attention. A few more details can bring about the exciting realm of romance and paint a clearer picture. Make you stay for awhile... Why... Is the singer falling in love? If so, why? Don't leave us guessing too much. Your listener wants to know the details!
Quote From Pro: Bouncy dance song about chemical attraction and the longing for a bit more...