Month: July 2016

Broadjam Artist: Sergio Simone
Song: Snowflakes in the Sun

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Diana Williamson (Songwriter, Music Supervisor)

Pro General Comments: Please note I don't rate individual instrumentation since my expertise lies more in marketability, lyric, melody, and overall performance.HI Sergio from Kleinburg! I am considering creating a studio in that neck of the woods- what a strange coincidence! Love it there.Great to start with a visual title. That is usually half the battle. I love the idea of your story- and the story title invites curiousity. You want to pull your listener in and you do.Love the opening visual -mood has that "Vincent" song quality. Your hook really comes into its own when that bg vocal comes in on snowflakes. They really add a great dimension to the song.The vocals are nice but feel a tad tentative in the beginning which draws me out of the song. I think the vocalist can do it but maybe with a bit more conviction to make it a lot stronger. It feels a bit sing/songish in parts- with too much emphasis on the rhythm when a more fluid vocal might help it "flow" a bit better.You might also want to try it with a hot female session singer who can really sell the song for you- especially since its from a female pov. The song sounds like it's worth it. I can see it in films about aging- that hook sells your song.Appropriate instrumentation and arrangements effectively build your songs momentum. You got that hard part down. Your melody and marriage of melody to lyric works nicely.If it's the old woman who is the singer you might want to make the language a little less formal so that she is talking to us, - such as "as I sit on my worn out chair" instead of "upon" or "and wonder how the years moved on" instead of "at how" (just little picky thoughts- not totally necessary)- but to make you aware. Also "I'll never forget" sounds less formal and better than "I'll not forget".. If I could only "just" hold on to one- adding the word just- makes it that more poignant desperate.Guitar solo captures the wonderful emotion of the song. However they are getting to be a thing of the past unfortunately. It seems like it dates the song a bit. (though I can live with it- I'm still a big fan of guitar solos) However, since the song feels like it's running a bit long, you may want to cut the guitar solo and just use the piano part- maybe double the piano instead. It's really such a pretty part. Piano solo instrumentation, takes you out of the song for a minute to give the musical palette a little rest. It's got a great feel and flows effortlessly from part to part transition wise. Guitar works- don't' get me wrong- but it also declares itself and you may want a softer transition for the song story.Overall wonderful soulful work!

Quote From Pro: Song has soul and a delicate grace.

Broadjam Artist: TaBoo Timmons
Song: LET'S RIDE

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Serge Durand (A&R/Publisher/Manager)

Pro General Comments: I think this song has great licensing potential. I think the track can be mixed a little better. I think the hook is catchy and memorable. The verses are solid. I would pitch this song to NASCAR, video games, and Film/TV music supervisors. It doesn't strike me as a hit, but it doesn't have to be because it seems like it was written specifically for licensing usage. I think you have something with this record. I would suggest that you have your management pitch it to as manay music supervisors as possible.

Quote From Pro: I think "Let's Ride" is a great licensing song. Makes me mo want to hear more from Taboo Simmons.

Broadjam Artist: Sergio Simone
Song: One More River to Cross

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Diana Williamson (Songwriter, Music Supervisor)

Pro General Comments: Please note I don't rate individual instrumentation since my expertise lies more in marketability, lyric, melody, and overall performance.I love murder ballads. Very solid song. It holds your interest. Hook stands out like it should. You have a good scope in your songwriting. The lyric is very solid. Melody works and arrangements enhance. Vocal tells the story well in a believable manner. So therefore what I say is just ways of making your song better- however you could possibly get it cut the way it is.Woman "spits on the evil man"- great visual. And so is "I called him out with the sun at my back ?He pushed his way through the door.?With a star on his chest and all dressed in black? He looked ready to fight this war." You really take the listener into your story with this type of description. Very good, you can just feel the darkness and struggle about to happen.Song has a good story- a western Count of Monte Cristo. In this day and age a woman would rarely stay with a devil for that long- so you might have wanted to put a little detail in there to add to it (for eg he says he'll get the man killed in jail if she leaves), etc.. My instinct says it sounds like a demo- not exactly something you would put in film and tv- but something worth pitching to an artist. I could also hear this song being really cool in a dark Americana vibe- this version has an almost friendly easy going feel. If you had some young buck with a twang in his voice beating his heart out with a darker edgy feel you could really make an impact of it. (banjos and steel guitar and female bg vocals) However that's not necessary but would be cool in a perfect world where we have unlimited $ for demos.Singer has a nice vocal timbre. Pronunciation sometimes gets lost which is very important in a story song so we can follow. I'd make that marshall "pay" the word pay kinda dissolves- when it should be yelled out with anger type of feel. Just something to watch out for.You got the hard stuff down- when your hook comes in- we want to sing along- good work.The guitar solo sounds a little easy going- which fits with the general mood but I was expecting something a little more blood thirsty- there is tons of blood, guts and vengeance going on here. Harmonica adds a great feel.Some bg vocals on the chorus- some cool female vocals might help build the hook up just a little more to help it over the top. Just to change up the dynamic a bit.You could have an outro which says something like-eg- the riverbed has a nice NEW field of daisies (subtley refer to the fact the lawman went missing- and they can live happily ever after) So your audience can rest with the knowledge it's a happily ever after.If you ever do re demo you may want to shorten intro and take out a few double choruses, maybe even the guitar solo to make song a bit shorter. Nowadays it seems songs really move along quickly when you are pitching. However as I said its very solid and worthy of pitching. An artist you want to cut that song should be able to hear how to make things a little snappier.You have a great feel for songwriting. Good luck and keep on writing!

Quote From Pro: Sergio you have solid songwriting instincts and good storytelling abilities. You bring the listener right into your story waiting for the climax.

Broadjam Artist: Ron Wilson
Song: The Guys In Las Vegas

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Nikki Hornsby (Songwriter, Artist, Producer, Arranger)

Pro General Comments: First you should know that I do like your song but the instrumental introduction has the bass player playing the wrong notes at this exact meter point 0:03-0:04 which for the listener is a very bad negative point at the beginning of any song. It's more like what a live recording does without any editing control of the final song demo recording. Remember any recording IS your calling card as a songwriter. This is why a good engineer / producer / professional musician would hear these things like bad played notes, timing, or other balance points as I did and correct them for the songwriter or record label before it ever leaves the studio. The back ground musical arrangement and execution in this "The Guys of Las Vegas" demo production (as it is now) is very distracting to the song even as a demo. In my opinion the wrong person did the production & the instrument arrangement on this demo for your song and not good for any songwriter / artist. It would be like putting your beautiful child in, torn and tattered, dirty clothing to send them to their first day at school or on their first prom dance. It would be better as a songwriter to have your "The Guys In Las Vegas" sent to professional demo service. There are some really good ones online at a very reasonable cost. Do this please in the future BEFORE sending "The Guys of Las Vegas" to anyone who is a professional in the music recording business. A demo is still a release or potential recording release for the general public if it's uploaded anywhere online. This is essential to produce demos or recordings well and today it is the best to do for the music & lyrics even with a demo production in my opinion. Good thing is that your song "the Guys in Las Vegas" does have a haunting melody which sticks with the listener. That in itself helps take the first steps towards publishing, marketing, and sales of any song which should be the goal of being a professional songwriter. I listened to this song a few times and that is why I suggest with some good polishing in a demo it would be much better for your craft as a songwriter. It also would be better for any of your original songs to be posted ONLY polished this way online. Remember we all know NOTHING lasts forever but in the music recording business to be known for better than bad demonstrations of your songwriting (music & lyrics) I believe will help you accomplish your goals of which for each of us are achievable.

Quote From Pro: "The Guys of Las Vegas" has a haunting medium tempo melody but as the demo it is it does need some polishing. When that is done it could be a great gem for any listener as we as songwriters need to dress our recordings up a bit as if they were to be seen at the finest events, dressed up with a good and applicable instrumental balances too. At the least we as songwriters need to do the best demos we can afford therefore, I suggest your song "TGLV" now be sent to a professional demo service like many songwriters here on Broadjam have done. In my opinion you might do this before you start posting a lot of your songs even as demo's on your BJ Page in the future or replace them with the polished demos. That way in truth when the professional music or film industry starts searching for your work or when you send your product into the companies looking to license your songs, it will be acceptable rather than rejected. Potential is really there for your song certainly that you submitted to me once you take those suggested steps. Finally, let me thank you for sharing "The Guys in Las Vegas" lyrics & music. There is a message in this song we as listeners can relate to and I look forward to reviewing more of your work in the near future. Thank you.

Broadjam Artist: matt taylor
Song: Gone to Stay Kmix2

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)

Pro General Comments: Okay, Matt, usual good feel, usual smooth voice, usual good work. I'm getting used to hearing that from you these days.I think it might be a mistake to entitle this song, "Gone To Stay". You only mention that phrase once in your lyric, and nothing else refers to it. I think the name of your song is "Goodbye".Secondly, you seem to be saying the same thing, conveying the same sentiment in all three verses, and you do that by using a LOT of clichs. For example, "to carry on"? PLEASE. Not unless you're discussing baggage and an aircraft. It's so overused, it's meaningless.None of them would be effective even if they were standing alone, but in groups like this, they get kinda wearying. What makes it that way is you are TELLING the listener how you feel, not SHOWING them. After a while, the casual listener says, "What do *I* care?"Give them images. A lamp to sell in your garage sale. A half-packed suitcase lying on the bed. A pile of wet tissues in the wastebasket next to the door. A UHaul truck parked out front with its ramp down. A fresh "For Sale" sign on the front lawn. Boxes sitting just inside an open garage door. You could almost make this into a powerful song by making a LIST of images like that, images that say, "Goodbye".Images involve the listener in a much more visceral way than expository prose (telling people how you feel).Another thing to keep in mind is the song form I mentioned in my review of "Sometimes You Just Don't See It Coming". Verse, CHORUS, Verse, CHORUS, Bridge, CHORUS?I believe your CHORUS is just the word "Goodbye" (the way you do it here, that is), and that is COOL. It is a fresh take on the word, full of emotion. I'd leave that alone.But the verses need to be shoved back into the recycle bin. Re-write them with IMAGERY. Make me SEE stuff that pertains to "goodbye". Verse 2 cannot be a repetition of verse 1.Remember, you only have to write TWO verses.Then you come up with a simple two line bridge. Something that ties the whole thing together.THEN do the last four "Goodbyes" just like you have them here and fade out...Brings you in at about three minutes. The way you have it here it's north of 4 minutes 35 seconds. That length used to fly back in the 70's and 80's, but this is a new millennium. Three minutes and the attention span of the casual listener begins to wander. You want to be out before that happens, leaving them wanting MORE, you dig?And don't let that pedal steel player too far out of your sight. Sucker's GOOD, and them that are are hard to find.Proud of ya, son. You're doing REALLY good work here.

Quote From Pro: One listen and you will be a fan of Matt Taylor.

Broadjam Artist: matt taylor
Song: Sometimes You Just Don't See It Coming 3:33

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)

Pro General Comments: Okay, Matt, there is much that is cool about this song.I like the hook "Sometimes you just don't see it coming". I like the way it gets laid in there at the top of the chorus, and that there is serious melodic differences between chorus and verse, so that the chorus "soars", if you will.I truly admire your melodic feel, and the way your chord structure is emotive harmony for that melody.Let's go to the lyrics.I'm none too crazy about the opening lines. Don't think they grab the casual listener.Next lyrical speed bump was "I hold it in as long as I am able". It may not be necessary to have a rhyme line here, as you have the second and the fourth lines already rhyming. "I hold it in as long as I can," sounds a little more like natural conversation, which is better, I think.The chorus?Well, the melody of the first two lines is impeccable, as usual, in your stuff.The words of the second line are weak. "Never thought I'd see the day," is a clich. It's sitting in the second line of the chorus where it almost HAS to be powerful. Something like, "Like a train wreck in the night, It came roaring through the tunnel, before I ever saw the light".You use that, I'm a co-writer. And I wouldn't mind that on this song.But, seriously, I hope you see what I mean. The lines, "When home to you I would be runningTo hear you say your going away."? I can't imagine those lines flying with any publisher. No power. Not something someone would say to their estranged lover while trying to hash things out.If not an image, a strong metaphor. Something someone would be saying in conversation. Something that plays off "sometimes you just don't see it coming."Consider this, Matt.Completely remove what you have here as the first verse. The "Another ordinary dayThe sun came up the sky is blue, There's something that you need to sayAnd you seem to think somehow I knew."The more I look at it, the less it works. The SECOND four lines is a POWERFUL way to start this song. The listener is almost sitting down at the kitchen table with you, and it's all you need to get you to the chorus.The second verse is the "A long time ago you called me baby" passage. Then you need to rewrite the bridge. "Time carry's on, And I'll get along, Believing that you're gone"? Very blah. Doesn't convey any information or move the song along.My advice is to take the last verse and worm it around so it becomes your bridge. The first two lines, "It's hard to think of moving on now, But moving on is what I'll do," convey the right sentiment to wrap up the song in a tight little bow. After that, you go straight into a chorus.That makes your song form:Verse --- CHORUS --- Verse ---CHORUS --- Bridge --- ChorusWhich happens to be about the MOST effective song form for climbing the charts in the history OF the charts. 70% of top ten hits in the history of our art has been this form or a slight variation thereof. I hardily recommend you consider it.It also would cut the time of your song down to a little less than three minutes, which is optimum for radio airplay.Matt, I don't get many true talents coming through my critique service. You have it going on. PLEASE stay with it.

Quote From Pro: Matt Taylor is the REAL DEAL.

Broadjam Artist: Ian Lee
Song: Love song

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Doug Beck (Producer, Remixer, Composer)

Pro General Comments: Ian Lee - Love SongThis is a nicely done ballad. Your production value is always really very nice. You know how to build a track and your songs and productions always sound extremely good.I love the electric piano intro with the synth embellishment. Love how the drum break brings in the rest of the instrumentation. As with all of your productions the dynamics are excellent. It's really very well done.Here's my issue. The song itself seems a little dated to me and a little lyrically pedestrian. Especially when compared to the previous track 'Missi'. Missi has a far more contemporary feel than this track and I think is 'Missi' is much more commercially viable in the current market place. I would also maybe try to find a more clever title. Something in the lyric that can work as a title as well.That said. Love Song is still a very nice track. I would just lean a little more towards the vibe and production of 'Missi' because I think that will serve you better in this marketplace.Artist's Submitted Question: Hi Doug, Thanks for your previous review. This certainly spurred me on to write more material and I've now completed a full album of 11 songs. I'd like your feedback on artists you feel are in a similar genre and which distribution channels might be best for me to focus on. Also do you feel this is of release quality or are there areas I still need to work more on? I'm now starting to write my next album and would like to incorporate what ever I can to improve and develop my sound. Thanks IanLBHey Ian,Like I stated above. I think the direction of 'Misi' is the way to go. All of your songs have great emotional appeal but 'Misi' captures it in such a way that works for what is happening now in the music industry. I also think music supervisors would really love that track and style. A placement in a TV show or movie can yield big dividends for a young artist. In any event, all of your stuff is really nice and very well done. You've got serious skills!

Quote From Pro: 'Love Song' is a beautiful song about an age old emotion.

Broadjam Artist: Jim Reeder
Song: I Believe

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Chris Keaton (Music Publisher, Artist Manager, Song Plugger)

Pro General Comments: "I Believe" is an elegant and moving composition and has always been one of my favorite hymns. The melody and lyric are memories I have carried close to my hear nearly all my life. I loved singing it as a child and hearing it sung in church from the time I was very, very young. I loved it when Elvis recorded it (with his direct and emotive delivery) Your voice sounds calming and the timbre evokes the right emotions in me. I am vey impressed that you would be bold enough to tackle such a well known song and carry it off in such a professional manner. The backing vocals never shade the lead but only enhance the listener's experience. I love the guitar figure that carries the instrumental track. The sparseness of the track really makes this arrangement work...the intimacy and the tenderness of your voice match the lyric perfectly. In my humble opinion, you should have this mastered and released to CCM radio. It's a timeless message that everyone should hear. My only critique would be the reverb on the vocal...it is not my favorite. Otherwise, I am very impressed with this wonderful performance. I'm not sure what else I can say about this performance. Please keep up the great work and feel free to submit more material to me at any time!!! Thank you for submitting and allowing me to listen and respond.

Quote From Pro: This is a very impressive cover of a classic and timeless hymn.

Broadjam Artist: matt taylor
Song: Sometimes You Just Don't See It Coming 3:33

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Chris Keaton (Music Publisher, Artist Manager, Song Plugger)

Pro General Comments: This is an exceptional country song. The lyric is as strong as gas and really evokes deep emotion in the listener. The vocal reminds me of the late, great John Denver and his great song writing and vocal delivery. I am very impressed with the vocalist and the instrumentalists (it sounds like a very professional demo). This is definitely ready to be pitched to major artists in the country genre. The melody in the chorus is easy to sing and very memorable (in my professional opinion, those two elements are essential in a hit song's chorus.) I will find myself humming this melody all day long today. Let me also mention the bridge...it ties the story together in a very neat bow and does what a chorus should do...be the morale of the story. If you are not getting this song in front of music industry professionals, you certainly should be. It sounds like a hit song to this reviewer. Thanks for allowing me to hear this!

Quote From Pro: "Sometimes You Just Don't See It Coming" is a hit song waiting to be discovered. It has timeless appeal and should be in Country Radio right now!!!

Broadjam Artist: Thierry Coupey
Song: One Of a Kind

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Jonathan Weiss (Music Supervisor, A&R)

Pro General Comments: Hi Thierry,Nice sounding song overall. Obviously it sounds like it has a special meaning to you and was written with someone specific in mind. I liked the arrangement and sectional contrast. While I don't hear it having a ton of potential in a contemporary rock market, it could make some headway in the spiritual or Christian rock area. Really solid guitar playing throughout which helps the song move along and helps the overall positivity of the message. While I'm hearing the heartfelt lyrics in the song, perhaps it hits the emotion a little too on the head. In other words, sometimes its better to leave the listener with something to ponder in terms of interpreting the lyrics, instead of going forward with a simple and overly familiar phrase like One Of A Kind.

Quote From Pro: A very positive and uplifting message in this song, along with a solid vocal and instrumental arrangement.