In Dreamland by Charles Edmund Carter

Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund CarterSong: In DreamlandBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)Pro General Comments: Once again, Mr. Carter, the production values are excellent. Top-notch.This song is a viable idea. Way too viable.An…

Charles Edmund Carter

Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund Carter
Song: In Dreamland

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)

Pro General Comments: Once again, Mr. Carter, the production values are excellent. Top-notch.This song is a viable idea. Way too viable.Anybody who wants to can go on to and search the "Songview".What that is is a listing of every title that BMI and ASCAP have registered. If you have an idea for a title that you would like to write, a good idea is to go there and check to see how many other songs have that, or similar, titles.Admittedly, it's almost impossible to find a title that hasn't been written before. Unless it's something completely off-the-wall. It's not a detriment to continue writing a title if there are, say, less than 30 other versions of it.If you go to and search the title "Dreamland" (the "in" is superfluous) on the Songview, the result you get will stun you. There are 1,184 other versions of this title or something similar.Someone, somewhere is trying to get every one of these songs exploited. They are trying to get them played on the radio or placed with a major label artist. To get your song noticed, it must be heard at the right place at the right time by the right person. If there are a lot of other songs with the same title, you might become like the salmon swimming upstream to spawn.Just so's you know.Here's the review of YOUR version:First Verse - the second line, "starlight her beauty displays" is not something anybody would ever say. In song lyrics, it is usually desirable to have your lines sound conversational. That draws the listener in more. The third line, "The Sandman will lead them to Dreamland" has a couple problems with it. The term "the Sandman" sounds dated. Secondly, "Dreamland" is the last word of the line, and it probably should not be there. If it's the title, it's best to have it appear once in the chorus only. Every other time you use it weakens it.I believe a good idea would be to replace the word "Dreamland" in the third line of the chorus. And please, remove the word "just" from the last line of the chorus.Suggestion for the first line of the second verse:"You can fly anywhere you want to,". It gets the "Dreamland" out of that line.Second line, second verse: "Dance out across the stars".Moving to the bridge."You're not just in my imagination, I know in my heart that you're real,".These two lines say essentially the same thing in different words, and therefore one of them is redundant.In the first line, I suggest changing the "just" to "only". Seems stronger. Second line has a major no-no in it. The phrase "in my heart", as well as stuff like "deep in my heart", "in my soul", "deep in my soul," etc., are all poisonous. Clichs like that will get you thrown out of the publisher's WINDOW, even if you're on the second floor. This is a nice piece, Charles. It's a kinda cosmic mood piece. Has a very nice feel to it. As such, you may be able to get some action on it if you do a little work with the lyrics.Remember, there has to be something in the lyric nobody has ever heard before. You can do it, Charles, if anyone can.

Quote From Pro: Charles Edmund Carter's versatility is AMAZING!

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