Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund Carter
Song: Save A Little For Me
Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)
Pro General Comments: Your demos are excellent. You have a great group of people who are producing your stuff.Your hook is not bad. I like the way your chorus works. I'm not crazy about some of the lines in it, but I could actually hear people singing that after they heard it a couple of times. Good work.However, this verse:"I thought that we would always be together I vowed to you we'd never be apartI meant each word I said at that sweet unionI guess I didn't take my vow to heart"?These are what we call in the business "throw away lyrics". They have been said thousands of times in thousands of songs, and over the years have grown completely meaningless.You walk into a publisher's office with a set of lyrics like that in your song, you will quickly be shown the back door.Imagery, Charles, IMAGERY. Draw me a picture of what she will be saving a little of for him. Make every verse a picture of something that they did together before she took off. Use your imagination.Go through every line looking for words, syllables, anything you can reword in a shorter way, or eliminate. For instance, get rid of the "just" at the start of the second line in the second verse.I think I may have mentioned this before, but just in case---do whatever you have to do to obtain a copy of Writing Better Lyrics by Pat Pattison. GET THAT BOOK, Charles. You will NOT believe what it does for you.
Quote From Pro: Charles Edmond Carter knows how to rock the country when he wants to.