Broadjam Artist: MoBack
Song: Because Of You - Studio Demo
Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Diana Williamson (Songwriter, Music Supervisor)
Pro General Comments: Please note I don't rate individual instrumentation since my expertise lies more in marketability, lyric, melody, and overall performance.This song has good production and arrangements. The vocal is polished and has a nice energy.. The backgrounds enhance the song as well. The tone of the piece is joyful and has a good feel to it. You seem to have a natural flair for making your melody rise and fall like it should-so that your hook comes in like it should. The one thing you learn in songwriting-is - in order to make a song as interesting as can be- introduce CONFLICT. That is why people rush to the Enquirer- to read the gossip and intrigue of star's daily lives. It's the same in a song -give us some drama. Introduce tension as much as possible.You can still make it sweet- but it could be sweeter if for example you said "I've been watching you for the longest time... can't believe today you're finally mine"- start out with the singer pining for (for eg)- her best friend- and afraid to tell him. By the end of the song- she tells him only to discover that he's been feeling the same way. That way your audience is waiting to the end to hear what will happen.You do have a hint of conflict- however it's a little vague- it seems first you are searching for the person and then in the chorus- you seem to have met them. Fill us in on the details. How did they all of a sudden appear? Maybe they were there all along and you just realized it? Just a few words could accomplish this.You have a nice vibe going on in the song. I would find a song that you love that is similar. Play them back to back. Really study them. How can you make it more like the hit? Could the arrangement have more dynamics- what are they doing differently.? This song has a bit of a dated feel to it- you might want to add a few more instruments/loops to give it a bit more of a modern feel.This is a Monica song you may want to listen to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eOuK-pYhy4You have to ask yourself- how can you make your song stand out from the pack? How do you make the competition disappear? What are you saying that other songs aren't?Lines such as "I can see a change" suggest you should work with an English cowriter- to help you with your phrasing. It seems like you want to say "I feel a change".... Another thing "sweetest joy". Joy is already sweet- so you don't have to say "sweetest"- since it's redundant. Perhaps "wildest" joy- which would suggest something a bit different. In songwriting you only have so many words- so you want to maximize the potential of each word. Also for eg- your heart "is colored with the sweetest joy"- Joy doesn't really "color" a heart. It might fill it up .. but color is not really the right phrase here. The phrase seems a little much in English. Try for some fun rhyme schemes. Instead of repeating "because of you" over and over- find a good rhyme to make it even stronger. Eg- "you know it's true- you changed my life- it's all because of you- the world is so brand new... because of you- Different rhymes add more life to a chorus. Brand new has probably been used too many times in songs- but you get the idea.I can see a good progression, Keep on going! Good luck.
Quote From Pro: MoBack has a great song -vibe going on here.