Mia’s Gone by Alan Lee Carpenter

Broadjam Artist: Alan Lee CarpenterSong: Mia’s GoneBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Elizabeth Elkins (Songwriter)Pro General Comments: I’m such a huge fan of your voice and your creativity. I’m hopeful that you are playing a lot of live shows in your hometown, b…

Alan Lee Carpenter

Broadjam Artist: Alan Lee Carpenter
Song: Mia's Gone

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Elizabeth Elkins (Songwriter)

Pro General Comments: I'm such a huge fan of your voice and your creativity. I'm hopeful that you are playing a lot of live shows in your hometown, because if you're as good of a singer live as you are in the studio, I would think you'd start to build a buzz very quickly. I like that this is a sad song but feels super happy. I also love that you did a fade, because nobody does that anymore. My main question is whether the lyric will connect with folks. Because the song feels so happy, almost in a "Save Me San Francisco" by Train way, it should work. The mix feels slightly old school, which can be cool because it's hipster. Seems like this could be a great sync pitch with or without vocal. I continue to highly suggest you pitch to film and television supervisors, and dig deep on the MTV website for opportunities for sync there. Fun stuff, well-written and enjoyable across the board. I like what you do. Anytime you use a specific person's name, it can alienate an audience, but this can be overrridden by a great melody (like "Hey Jude" or "My Maria" etc.) and in this case I quickly forget about wondering who "Mia" was and just started enjoying the vibe of the song. I think it's a true talent when you can blend a happy song with a sad lyric. If you don't already listen to The Smiths / Morrissey, I suggest digging in!

Quote From Pro: There's a little bit of Train, and a little bit of the Killers, with a touch of Simon & Garfunkel in this upbeat break-up song. You'll find your foot tapping along while you enjoy a great vocal performance and a well-written heartbreaker.

Roots by Amy Elizabeth

Broadjam Artist: Amy ElizabethSong: RootsBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Doug Diamond (Music Supervisor, Engineer, Producer, Composer )Pro General Comments: Hi Amy -Thanks for letting me know about your song, “Roots”. I really like it. I’ve listened to it over-…

Amy Elizabeth

Broadjam Artist: Amy Elizabeth
Song: Roots

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Doug Diamond (Music Supervisor, Engineer, Producer, Composer )

Pro General Comments: Hi Amy -Thanks for letting me know about your song, "Roots". I really like it. I've listened to it over-and-over and believe it has the makings of a hit song (however you want to define that). The performances are excellent. The lyrics are good. The main melody / hook is very good. I like the songwriting in general. There are only a couple tweaks I would suggest (in next section below). Know that you are REALLY close in my opinion to something great that could work in a variety of scenarios. Excellent work!For the style of song this is, combined with the vocals, instrumental performances, and "sound" - really is a perfect combination well done.This song sounds like something you'd hear on Country Radio and with a few adjustments, that could actually be feasible.Be sure to link to your website front-and-center from your Broadjam profile as I could not easily find it when looking. As you're not using your last name, it makes it more of a challenge when searching for more info. I wanted to find out more about you, but realized it was more difficult than I thought it would be. It appears you have excellent pics and social media, so that's good, but as a music supervisor, I often don't have time to dig for info, so you gotta make it easy and obvious. Having what the industry calls the "full package" is essential these days and I believe you do.I'll address your questions in the next section, but would like for you to contact me via my site at www.diamondigitalmedia.com. I think we can probably do some work together.Thanks again.

Quote From Pro: Amy Elizabeth's "Roots" is Country / Americana nearly at its finest. Great performances. Great vocals. Excellent songwriting. It has all the makings of what should be a hit song and belongs on radio.

Sorry Doesn’t Fit Here by William Smith

Broadjam Artist: William SmithSong: Sorry Doesn’t Fit HereBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Robert Dellaposta (Writer, A&R, Publisher)Pro General Comments: Hi William,I’m not sure if you wrote this song for you to perform or if you want other artists to record yo…

William Smith

Broadjam Artist: William Smith
Song: Sorry Doesn't Fit Here

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Robert Dellaposta (Writer, A&R, Publisher)

Pro General Comments: Hi William,I'm not sure if you wrote this song for you to perform or if you want other artists to record your song. The negative story line will make it difficult to attract other artists unless they are going through a bad relationship with a woman who has constantly lied to them and they are through putting up with her. Why has he waited so long to call this bad relationship off? Has he been in denial all these years or has he kept looking the other way because he hoped she would stop lying? The form or the song is more alternative than contemporary. There are 4 verses and the verses are not all using the same meter, phrasing and rhyme scheme. This makes the song form interesting but unpredictable. If you want your listener to remember the words and music so they can sing along try to match the meter, phrasing, rhyme and melody of all the verses. The most common form for this type of retro R&B song is verse/chorus/verse/chorus/bridge/chorus. There are of course other forms that have worked. There are very few 4 verse songs in today's commercial market. For every slow heartbreak, sad, break-up song you write my advice is write 5 uptempo positive songs. Happy positive songs are more likely to get recorded and released in my opinion. Your vocal is good. The song feels happy and positive but the lyric is dark and gloomy. The music is well performed but again it feels more like a happy positive song in my opinion.

Quote From Pro: William Smith is a talent worth watching. His vocals and melodies are commercial and interesting. Keep your eyes and ears tuned in.

Caribbean Christmas by The Silvers

Broadjam Artist: The SilversSong: Caribbean ChristmasBroadjam Pro Reviewer: A.J. Gundell (Songwriter, Composer, Music Supervisor, Producer)Pro General Comments: The Silvers bring us an early Christmas present this year with this fun, funny, very clever…

The Silvers

Broadjam Artist: The Silvers
Song: Caribbean Christmas

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
A.J. Gundell (Songwriter, Composer, Music Supervisor, Producer)

Pro General Comments: The Silvers bring us an early Christmas present this year with this fun, funny, very clever world/reggae holiday tune with a bouncy, feel-good groove, "Caribbean Christmas." Working effectively with the song's premise that a Caribbean Christmas makes no sense, the lyric writing has some killer, laugh out loud funny lines: "Take your time and think about it man, no one builds a snowman out of sand" and "Reindeer don't like sand between their toes, Rudolph might get sunburn on his nose." Song form is a solid A-A-B-A with a hooky tag at the end of each A section and a cool B section providing some more comic as well as musical relief before returning to the A. It's also a total song-worm of a melody that stays with you long after listening. The singer and the recording hold down the song's concept nicely with the ear candy we expect: marimba loops, reggae-flavored guitar accents, and of course occasional but well-placed sleigh bells. It's really a totally infectious package that makes you want to buy this as an early Christmas present and slip it under the tree for a friend with a good sense of humor. Awesome, folks!

Quote From Pro: The Silvers bring us an early Christmas present this year with this fun, funny, very clever world/reggae holiday tune with a bouncy, feel-good groove, "Caribbean Christmas.". It's really a totally infectious package that makes you want to buy this as an early Christmas present and slip it under the tree for a friend with a good sense of humor. Awesome, folks!

Half His Life In Prison by Charles Edmund Carter

Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund CarterSong: Half His Life In PrisonBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)Pro General Comments: My apologies for the tardiness of your review.You might be able to place this song exactly as it is in a …

Charles Edmund Carter

Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund Carter
Song: Half His Life In Prison

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)

Pro General Comments: My apologies for the tardiness of your review.You might be able to place this song exactly as it is in a production library somewhere. The groove is good. The sparseness of the instruments in the mix is a sign of good production values.There are several things that I would suggest that you might consider if you are of a mind to present this to a broader audience than I think would be available for it in its current state.I will be referring, in this review, to a mythical person whom I call "TCL". His/her full name is The Casual Listener.He/she has never heard of you, doesn't care about you, doesn't care about your song. He/she expects you to lure him/her in and keep his/her attention for up to three minutes or more, leaving him/her with something he/she can remember. As songwriters, we strive to give him/her a "moment".One of the things that is almost a must is we have to give TCL a reason to care about the person in the song. Something TLC can identify with. This song gives people a reason in almost every line NOT to care about this person being described in the song. I would be surprirsed if there were many people want to hear a litany of horrible things that a person is or has done.Listen, Charles, I see signs of a good writer here. Maybe even a great writer.You have to cut this song in half. Every single line, every single word, has to be gone over with a fine tooth comb, and each word has to absolutely HAVE TO be there. If not, it's out.For example, the last two lines of every verse are "He spent half his life in prison, and the other half in jail." I realize that's your hook, but if you use it in every verse as well as twice in the chorus, you are rendering it much less punch.The first song form that I always taught my students was as follows:Verse, Chorus, Second Verse, Second Chorus, Bridge, Last Chorus.That's exactly what you do HERE. I love that. And your chord structure is amazing. The choruses stand out for what they are because of the tension from the chord structure. You almost venture into jazz there. Very cool.I would just say cut everything down. You don't need as much information as you present here. In the first two lines of the song, I get that your daddy was a bad dude. And then that's all the rest of the song says. I would like to hear it say something much more than a lengthy list of his obvious shortcomings. Tell me his story. Tell me how his being such a bad man affected the man YOU turned out to be.Make your chorus be much more compact. Look at it this way.You are finishing up a concert in front of 20,000 people in an arena. You have your strongest song at the very end. You want them to walk out of the arena whistling that song or singing its chorus.The simpler, the better. The less words, the punchier. No phrase or thought repeats itself anywhere else in the song except for the hook. Which should be the most compact line you can think of, and then in the chorus only ONCE. Preferably at the end.The bridge should be as small as you can make it. A good bridge is only two lines long. You have a lot of stuff here in your bridge, and you could compact that down into being two very sharp, tight lines. Lines that bring you back to your chorus.Which should only be about four lines long itself.What I'm using a whole lot of words to say is that you should not use a whole lot of words to say anything in a SONG.The attention span of TCL is very limited these days. You have to have his/her attention within 20 seconds of the start of your song, and you have to keep pumping new stuff into him/her with every line to keep him/her interested or he/she will just change the station and your ass will be gone.It's that simple. If it was easy everybody would be doing it.That's why guys like you and I are important. We will give people their moments to remember. We will keep doing this until we're pushing up daisies.And I wish you the best of luck at it.

Quote From Pro: Charles Edmund Carter is DEFINITELY a songwriter worth watching.

Craziest Woman – Country by Alan Lee Carpenter

Broadjam Artist: Alan Lee CarpenterSong: Craziest Woman – CountryBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Elizabeth Elkins (Songwriter)Pro General Comments: It’s good to hear how this one developed, and I think you’ve hit the nail on the head for the new Nashville pop, …

Alan Lee Carpenter

Broadjam Artist: Alan Lee Carpenter
Song: Craziest Woman - Country

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Elizabeth Elkins (Songwriter)

Pro General Comments: It's good to hear how this one developed, and I think you've hit the nail on the head for the new Nashville pop, think Dan and Shay, sound. Here's the deal with this one - so much of Nashville is based on the lyric. I've written more than a thousand songs, and every day it's about "would the artist sing that lyric?", and, if so, "which artists would sing it?". So the catch this one is the direct hook "craziest woman I know" is going to be super hard to find a male artist in current country that wants to lead with a hook that could be taken as slightly insulting to women. I know that your intention with this song is romantic, but the hook is so hooky that what a person remembers is that line, and it's not clear immediately that we remember what the rest of the lyric was saying. I think you could fix this problem by making a second line in the hook that does a "country flip" of meaning - in the way that Luke Combs does with "Beautiful Crazy". Nashville relies heavily on that lyric, and this one is a bit too much on the line to work on Music Row. That's the bad news - the good news is that you have nailed the modern country pop song in this demo. I would get rid of a lot of the second vocal though, it's confusing if it's only meant for a duo? Study what Dan & Shay do and make sure you're in the ballpark on the vocal arrangements.

Quote From Pro: Modern pop country with a Dan and Shay vibe, you'll never get this hook out of your head!

Jack and Jill by Alan Lee Carpenter

Broadjam Artist: Alan Lee CarpenterSong: Jack and JillBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Elizabeth Elkins (Songwriter)Pro General Comments: Okay, you hit the jackpot on this one. This one should be in a television show for sure. If you’re in Los Angeles, that shou…

Alan Lee Carpenter

Broadjam Artist: Alan Lee Carpenter
Song: Jack and Jill

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Elizabeth Elkins (Songwriter)

Pro General Comments: Okay, you hit the jackpot on this one. This one should be in a television show for sure. If you're in Los Angeles, that should be a huge focus for you to connect and network with music supervisors and have two to three songs for them to review, this being one of them. Though songs called "Jack and Jill" are pretty common, this one is just unique enough to hit a homerun. Once again, don't love the guitar solo, might be a mix thing, don't be afraid to let those solos sit a little tighter in your mix. Both times they have felt more like metal solos in a song that wasn't quite a metal song. It needs more atmosphere in the break, and likely cut them in half. Awesome lyric - and, as you know by now - really really good vocal. This hook will be stuck in my head for days. Great writing, nicely recorded and perfectly sung. Have you listen to Airborne Toxic Event's "Songs of God and Whiskey" - if you haven't, check it out for inspiration.

Quote From Pro: Music supervisors, tune in for a wistful, powerful vocal and indie folk vibe. This song is begging for a feature in a teen television program. Fantastic writing, recording and performance.

Endure by Alan Lee Carpenter

Broadjam Artist: Alan Lee CarpenterSong: EndureBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Elizabeth Elkins (Songwriter)Pro General Comments: You really do write interesting songs. This one lost me a little on the verses, but I like the the overall lyrical vibe is hope. Ho…

Alan Lee Carpenter

Broadjam Artist: Alan Lee Carpenter
Song: Endure

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Elizabeth Elkins (Songwriter)

Pro General Comments: You really do write interesting songs. This one lost me a little on the verses, but I like the the overall lyrical vibe is hope. Hope lyrics spun in a unique way are often a great match for film and television opportunities, so I highly encourage you to pitch this one to libraries and sync opportunities. The melody and approach on this one feels more 80s Brit folk than any of your others, but once again that leaves me fascinated by who you are as an artist. I do not believe this is the strongest of your offerings, but it is a nice album track, and, once again, a lovely, gifted vocal sets the atmosphere into the air for me. You've got something very special with your voice. The mix feels better on this one than some of the others, things sit right and really have a nice pocket. Are you recording these as tracks, or with a live band? I'm curious, I can't quite tell on the drum sounds. I would also love for you to include lyrics with your future submissions as that feels like a big selling point for you for sure, and I would like to read them.

Quote From Pro: Gorgeous vocal and uplifting lyric. A hopeful hook lifts a lovely Brit-pop melody into the sky.

Broken Road by Alan Lee Carpenter

Broadjam Artist: Alan Lee CarpenterSong: Broken RoadBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Elizabeth Elkins (Songwriter)Pro General Comments: This song is super cool, it had me interested right off the bat, until that guitar solo, which does not work for me. It should…

Alan Lee Carpenter

Broadjam Artist: Alan Lee Carpenter
Song: Broken Road

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Elizabeth Elkins (Songwriter)

Pro General Comments: This song is super cool, it had me interested right off the bat, until that guitar solo, which does not work for me. It should be a wild, cool synth solo - the guitar feels out of place and less melodic and interesting than the rest of this. You once again sound very English, a little folky, and also very Killers-y. This is a good thing because all of it feels familiar but yet I can't say you sound just like so-and-so, which is very important in creating an identity for yourself as an artist. People tend to like things that are just different enough but also remind them of something they can't put their finger on. You do that, mostly in your very very good vocals. I love the vibrato in your voice, and this is a unique, fascinating lyric that sets your voice in a great setting. I don't love the title, I think because it's very common. I know it feels like the hook lyrically, but a more imaginative title could peak interest in what you're doing on this one. One of my favorites you've sent in. Fantastic chorus melody too. If you don't already have a video, consider one -there's too much good imagery here to pass up.

Quote From Pro: Killer (no pun intended) vocal melody married to an imaginative, deep lyric - with a hook that will keep you dancing. A great scene-setter for a film, or one you'll want to hear a packed club.

Gonna Get It Right – Dance by Alan Lee Carpenter

Broadjam Artist: Alan Lee CarpenterSong: Gonna Get It Right – DanceBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Elizabeth Elkins (Songwriter)Pro General Comments: In general, I really like this but I don’t love it. It has so many great elements, the dance feel – and, in par…

Alan Lee Carpenter

Broadjam Artist: Alan Lee Carpenter
Song: Gonna Get It Right - Dance

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Elizabeth Elkins (Songwriter)

Pro General Comments: In general, I really like this but I don't love it. It has so many great elements, the dance feel - and, in particular, the AWESOME vocal performance, but the hook leaves me wanting more. On first listen, I was not immediately sure what the song meant, and for a dance/indie rock song like this there should be no question of the hook and how to relate to it. I honestly think the lyric might be too complex for the genre. It's okay to have a complex verse, but it needs an undeniable hook in the chorus. Your music is on target and feels great. I suggest really digging in on that hook and chorus lyric and come back with a homerun on it. It's so close. The drum sounds are a little off in the mix, you may wish to A/B those against a song you love and make sure you're landing the mix right on that as well. I really do love your voice. I definitely think you have a voice to be an artist, but I could also hear this song with a stronger hook being recorded by other artists.

Quote From Pro: Upbeat, fun tune with a complex vocal and an absolutely killer vocal. Makes you think - AND dance.