Broadjam Artist: matt taylor
Song: If I Had The Time Kmix4
Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)
Pro General Comments: Okay, Matt, I like this song. I like this song a lot. That's the good news.The bad news is that if I like a song, it's usually the kiss of death.It almost has a 70s folk pop feel to it. Almost like a cross between James Taylor and Steely Dan, with maybe a little Simon and Garfunkel thrown in.Since it's CLOSE, I'm going to nitpick you to death.On first listen, it was difficult to know where the chorus was beginning. As a matter of fact, what I believe you are calling your chorus sounds more like a bridge to me. But then comes along another bridge, complete with jolting key change. And you repeat your hook at the end of every four-line verse.Very odd song form. But that's okay, you almost pull it off.I would love to hear your signature lick played on an honest to goodness cello. In harmony, maybe, with a violin.The cheesy synthetic fiddle was almost irritating.You only need ONE of those licks in the intro, anyway. No matter what it's played on. Get into the song as quick as you can.Your VERSES are very hooky. The line in the 2nd verse, "while all the lines in my face start to show" was a bit of a speed bump the way you had to sing it. All you need is "while lines in my face start to show" and it sings much more with the flow. IMHO. (Hey! That all RHYMES!)The chorus needs some work, I fear.I understand that this is about your actual father, and as such, it's kind of a memorial to him. But to the casual listener who doesn't know you, "Dad used to say that just one lifetime," is a poisonously clichd line. The "Daddy told me" thing is so old and overused, it's meaningless. It's great for you and your family as a commemoration, but if you want to commercially exploit this song (and it has GREAT potential for that), something like "I've heard it said", for instance, might be better. Also jettison either the "that" or the "just" in that line. As in, "I've heard it said just one lifetime""would surely never be enough" is okay here, if you can't polish it somehow."you need the first one just to figure out what you want to do and another one to make those dreams come true". The objection is not to content, but to person. You suddenly change to second person here, which makes it sound preachier than it maybe should. If the singer includes himself in with the listener, as in "WE need the first to figure out what WE want to do...etc." Please notice I left out the word "just". I suggest you consider doing the same thing. It's almost ALWAYS a meaningless fill word. Like "THAT".You change person the same way in your key-change bridge. "The time WE have in life is fleetingand it's easy to forget just what YOU'VE got." They need to be the same person. I strongly suggest the "WE". And get rid of that friggin' "just". "It easy to forget what WE'VE got..."Which makes the last two lines of the bridge: "Before WE know it they'll be leavingWE should take some time in the uphill climb, to love the ones WE love a lot." And, when you re-sing that last line, enunciate the words VERY CLEARLY. They are the MEAT of the song, actually. Give the listener a clear melody and understandable lyric they can sing along to right there. I didn't understand the words until I READ them.I'd love to hear what this sucker turns out to be. It has serious potential. As a matter of fact, you get this right, and there are a lot of opportunities here on Broadjam that you could pitch it to.Keep the faith.Tirk Wilder
Quote From Pro: A cross between James Taylor, Stephen Bishop, Steely Dan and other favorites, Matt Taylor mixes it all together into his own unique approach, turning himself into a "MUST LISTEN".
Broadjam Artist: matt taylor