Wonder Boy(KaytLynn) by Randall Mark

Broadjam Artist: Randall MarkSong: Wonder Boy(KaytLynn)Broadjam Pro Reviewer: Tom Worth (Songwriter, Producer, Pro Songwriting Coach)Pro General Comments: I’d pay more attention to my comments and not the ratings I just posted:A very enjoyable song to …

Randall Mark

Broadjam Artist: Randall Mark
Song: Wonder Boy(KaytLynn)

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tom Worth (Songwriter, Producer, Pro Songwriting Coach)

Pro General Comments: I'd pay more attention to my comments and not the ratings I just posted:A very enjoyable song to listen to! Kudos! A beautiful vocal over some catchy and playful melodies! This would be a great film/tv pitch. But I do have some suggestions to make it even better! Music:Overall music/production is great! The singer is wonderful and actually sounds a lot like a friend of mine - Mindy Gledhill. She's a singer out of Utah. I only have a couple suggestions recording wise. And if you simply wanted songwriting feedback and are aware of what I'm about to say...my apologies!-The acoustic guitar in intro is a little sloppy timing wise. I also think its tone could be smoother.- I think the male background vocals in chorus is a little loud. - I would have the 2nd chorus flow like the 3rd chorus does (not have a break after the first "heaven on mars.")-Singer needs to be tuned in a couple spots: "me" in 3rd line of 2nd chorus"But I'm" sounds funky at beginning of Verse 3Songwriting:GREAT songwriting. This song is fun and quirky...JUST what film/TV seems to love! Great melodies. Here are some lyric suggestions:Verse 1:I think your 1st two lines could be stronger. Your verses are pretty short. It's really just these 2 lines (I see 3rd and 4th line as a pre chorus). So use them to say more. I would not use so many "you's."Technically speaking the rhyme schemes in your verses don't match. In each verse you have internal rhymes which is great, but in the 1st and 3rd verse the last word of the first and second lines rhyme, whereas they do NOT in verse 2. You should be consistent with rhyme schemes. Personally I like your rhyme scheme in the 2nd verse. That being said I'd change the internal rhyme sound in the 1st or 2nd line of verse 1 and 3 to something other than a "you" rhyme. I think you have a wonderful play on words that you're not using to its potential. You wait until the 3rd pre chorus to use "wonder boy" as a noun. That's brilliant!! I'd do it sooner (every pre chorus). For example, 1st and 2nd pre: "And I wonder wonder and I wonder boyCould you be my wonder boy" or something similarChorus 1:"Break my heart into two" is a bit clich. I know this song is cute so you can probably get away with it...but if you can beat it I would.LOVE the heaven on mars lineVerse 2 and Chorus 2 are perfectVerse 3:I don't love "not even a few." You already said "not even a word" so saying "not even a few" seems redundant. Chorus 3:I LOVE how you went to 3rd person here. Brilliant! Just an idea (meaning it's fine as is but maybe this would improve it). Might be cool if last line of last chorus said:"I'll take heaven on earth or heaven on mars." Just a thought. This line may also work as a tag after you say your current last line as wellOutro:I'd have a little more space between end of chorus and outroI hope you find my suggestions helpful! Keep up the great work!

Quote From Pro: A very enjoyable song to listen to - kudos! A beautiful vocal over some catchy and playful melodies!

Dance by William Smith

Broadjam Artist: William SmithSong: DanceBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Doug Diamond (Music Supervisor, Engineer, Producer, Composer )Pro General Comments: Hi William -Thanks for letting me know about you and your song, “Dance”.In general, I like it. Well done…

William Smith

Broadjam Artist: William Smith
Song: Dance

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Doug Diamond (Music Supervisor, Engineer, Producer, Composer )

Pro General Comments: Hi William -Thanks for letting me know about you and your song, "Dance".In general, I like it. Well done. Are there a few things that might be improved upon? Sure. We'll address those as much as possible.Coming from a production/engineering/technical background (I'm a mastering and mix engineer as well as a music supervisor), the production value of the recording is usually the first thing I notice. In the case of "Dance", personally, I think it has excellent production value. The recording is nice and clean-sounding - and professional. In my world of sync placements and licensing see, it's the artist's own recording that gets used (versus someone re-recording a really great song... that does/can happen, but usually not in the indie music/placement industry), so therefore the original recording has to be killer and be every bit as competitive as a major label artist/song might be.I did notice this though, which I thought was odd: Is that a cough at 2:42 and 2:51? It's probably not, but I'd remove those personally, as it's distracting should be simple to do so.I think the song itself is very solid. Really good songwriting and an excellent hook/main melody. I think it's very memorable, so nice work there.I do think the title is a little forgettable though. Simple yes, but it's also a very popular music genre, so when I saw it first thing... I thought "Oh, it's a Dance song, but... what's the name of it?". Make sense? I'd add the bit in parenthesis if it were me: "(All You Gotta Do Is) Dance" just to differentiate it from the genre type. Simple is good, but confusion isn't.I like the lyrics a lot too. I can tell you've been doing this awhile as you haven't made some of the same mistakes that new writers sometimes make. I wouldn't change anything there.Also, I like how the song actually has a final ending, versus a fade-out. Very cool - and - creative. It just sort of wraps-up nicely.The song length is good too... not too long and would make it easy for someone like me to pitch it to my clients it's not a 6-minute opus, you know?Love the drums. I'm a drummer, so I can definitely appreciate what you have here. Great playing. Is it you or someone you brought in? Very cool either way. To me, these do *not* sound "1980s", they sound modern.If it were about 1990 or so, I think this song could easily be a radio hit for a major artist - as a re-record/re-make of your version.Speaking of that, I think what you have here is an excellent demo that you could use to pitch to artists to try and get someone to cut it if you want to go that route (no changes necessary to do that).Let's address your questions below.

Quote From Pro: "Dance" by William Smith is the best '80s song that the '80s missed out on hearing. Seriously, it's a really great song with excellent musical performances and production value, great lyrics, and a memorable hook. Nice job!

Shortcut To Love by BigAlbatross

Broadjam Artist: BigAlbatrossSong: Shortcut To LoveBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Tom Worth (Songwriter, Producer, Pro Songwriting Coach)Pro General Comments: Very nice song Al! You clearly are no amateur. I’m impressed by your songwriting and the high recor…

BigAlbatross

Broadjam Artist: BigAlbatross
Song: Shortcut To Love

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tom Worth (Songwriter, Producer, Pro Songwriting Coach)

Pro General Comments: Very nice song Al! You clearly are no amateur. I'm impressed by your songwriting and the high recording quality. This song has market potential, I think you're a few tweaks away from having a very special song.Lyrics:Overall, your lyrics are very good, but I'd like to see you supporting/building up the hook in the first verse. For example, you could start off song with something like "You're all I want I want to rush right in and tell you." I'm not saying that's a great line, but it builds hook by saying you want to rush in (but there's no shortcut to love).Also - when pitching to a commercial market, it's important to follow those unofficial "rules" of commercial songwriting. Overall you did - well done! But, I'd suggest following the same rhyme scheme in each verse. Currently, Verse 1 has an AABC rhyme scheme while verse 2 has an ABCC rhyme scheme. This is a no-no in commercial music. Industry pro's see this and automatically assume you don't know what you're doing, even if the rest of the song is well written! It's stupid...but it's reality. Personally, I like the rhyme scheme in Verse 2 where the 1st 2 lines do NOT rhyme. Song Story Line:Your bridge came as a surprise to me! On first listen I was assuming they were in a fairly new relationship and he was just afraid to go too fast. I realize you said in opening line "but you don't know me." I interpreted that as she hadn't gotten to know the real you yet. Maybe this was your intention, or maybe I'm just slow lol. Either way, I would choose 1 of 2 scenarios and re-write some of the verse lyrics accordingly:Scenario 1:The couple is in a new relationship (or at least friends) and you are simply head over heels for her but don't want to scare her awayScenario 2:The way it is...they are NOT in any sort of relationship.If you were the artist, I'd say either scenario works. But if you're trying to pitch this song to current country artists, I'd say go with scenario 1. Male country artists these days are pretty egotistical and would rather come off as cute than as a stalker. That being said, here are some ideas to make scenario 1 work.1st Verse-start supporting hook sooner-tell story line of you know this girl (as friends or dating - you don't really need to define) and that you want to tell her so badly that you love her but you know betterChorus:I'd be more specific about why you can't just tell her. "I see heartache ahead" is good but explain that. What is her specific reaction you're afraid of happening? Don't wanna move too fast, afraid she isn't feeling the same, etc.2nd Verse:I wouldn't repeat the 2nd half of first line - say something new. I think the stuff you're saying here is what I want in the 5th and 6th lines of chorus. Maybe take a whole new angle in 2nd verse like you know you should play hard to get but it's so hard.Bridge:Unfortunately, with this scenario the entire bridge would have to change. Lots of options but here are some ideas:-you wish you could speed ahead in time to where you're "together"-how do you hold it in?-difference between being honest and "the game"I realize I'm on one hand saying I like your lyrics, but then suggesting you re-write most of them! It's simply because I think you will have a much better chance with pitching song to an artist with Scenario 1.Recording:Great recording. Great singer. The only thing I would change is intro. For commercial pitches keep intro less than 14 seconds. Sounds crazy I know, but I've actually been in a meeting with a Pro publisher and after 20 seconds of my $1,000 demo they stopped it and told me my intro was too long and never listened to song.

Quote From Pro: Very nice song Al! You clearly are no amateur. I'm impressed by your songwriting and the high recording quality. This song has market potential, I think you're a few tweaks away from having a very special song.

Let The Rough Side Drag by Larry Chaney

Broadjam Artist: Larry ChaneySong: Let The Rough Side DragBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Elizabeth Elkins (Songwriter)Pro General Comments: There’s a lot going on here. At first, it’s a nice vibe – feels pretty modern country, lots of energy, good vocal perfor…

Larry Chaney

Broadjam Artist: Larry Chaney
Song: Let The Rough Side Drag

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Elizabeth Elkins (Songwriter)

Pro General Comments: There's a lot going on here. At first, it's a nice vibe - feels pretty modern country, lots of energy, good vocal performance, tight, strong band. But I never immediately connect with the lyric and what's truly happening. There's a ton of set up to get to the hook, which is a phrase I haven't heard before, so I am left wondering exactly what the song is about. That may just be my shortcoming, but my main concern is that musically the shift into the chorus feels like such a massive modal/key change that it might be a bridge, not a chorus, or even a whole new song. That transition, I suggest, should be reworked to feel more like a radio song (the simpler, the better). You're also clocking in at nearly five minutes, and you should shoot for around 3 minutes for a tempo country radio tune. I think this song has the bones to be super awesome, I would just love a shorter arrangement, and a different musical set up for that chorus lift. It's got tons of energy, a great vocal and a really cool vibe, it's just not quite there yet. Perhaps there is also a lyrical way to clarify the meaning of your hook for those of us not familiar with the phrase as well?

Quote From Pro: Tons of energy and a killer vocal propel this rockin' country tune into the stratosphere!

someone for everyone by Elza

Broadjam Artist: ElzaSong: someone for everyoneBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Chris Keaton (Music Publisher, Artist Manager, Song Plugger)Pro General Comments: As I look at the choices I have made in the review section I see that all are excellent except for t…

Elza

Broadjam Artist: Elza
Song: someone for everyone

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Chris Keaton (Music Publisher, Artist Manager, Song Plugger)

Pro General Comments: As I look at the choices I have made in the review section I see that all are excellent except for the n/a. There's a reason for that.Let's start with the first line and the engaging vocal timbre. I was hooked from the first breath. The voice is both mysterious and calming. The pitch is right on and as the track slowly builds each instrument finds its rightful place in the essence of the track. What appeals most to me is the fact that this track could easily have been overblown and bombastic (since it is about a wedding, for crying out loud!) But the production ever overshadows the fairy tale beauty of the moment when two people become one and vow to stay as one forever.The hopefulness of the statement "it gives me faith that there is someone for everyone" is mind-blowing and beautiful.Words fail me to express how good I find this recording to be. Lyrics, melody, performance, recording, mix all are exceptional and make for what , in my professional opinion, music is supposed to be: magical and transcending.I wish you all the success in the world with this song. What you have created, it gives me faith that incredible beauty exists in words and music. Thank you!

Quote From Pro: This song gives me faith that incredible beauty exists in words and music. Thank you!

DarkEpicTheatrical by Bhaskar_The_Maximalist

Broadjam Artist: Bhaskar_The_MaximalistSong: DarkEpicTheatricalBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Robert Dellaposta (Writer, A&R, Publisher)Pro General Comments: There are some really interesting lines moving throughout this piece of music. I like the way it event…

Bhaskar_The_Maximalist

Broadjam Artist: Bhaskar_The_Maximalist
Song: DarkEpicTheatrical

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Robert Dellaposta (Writer, A&R, Publisher)

Pro General Comments: There are some really interesting lines moving throughout this piece of music. I like the way it eventually builds but the introduction section doesn't have any nuance to it at all...I'd like to hear the sound of the advancing storm or army in the distance slowly building to the impending doom that is about to strike. Start slowly and do a gradual build with more dynamics. A gradual crescendo using more instruments being added on and a faint percussive track in the distance that grows as the tension builds. The Violins adding rhythmic tension above the cannon explosions of sound and Just when you think it can't get any stronger...an abrupt stop and then boom full scale tonal assault. Like any war or storm there is a gradual ebbing and diminishing that slowly fades but that is totally up to you. 03:24 is a good length for a music supervisor. I really like the percussive rhythms that give the piece an underlying feel of action. The bass line needs a lot of work in my opinion.

Quote From Pro: Bhaskar possesses all the musical skills necessary to be successful in creating cinematic orchestral scores that will paint tonal soundscapes to compliment any movie trailer or action scene.

Comin Home to You by Charles Edmund Carter

Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund CarterSong: Comin Home to YouBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)Pro General Comments: There is much I like about this song, but there is also a lot I would suggest you might want to look at. First,…

Charles Edmund Carter

Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund Carter
Song: Comin Home to You

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)

Pro General Comments: There is much I like about this song, but there is also a lot I would suggest you might want to look at. First, I would like to say that your lead singer is excellent. Very high-powered pop voice with just enough country twang to turn it all into a blues.Secondly, I would like to say that your production is pretty strong. Thirdly, your song DOES have something to say. There is a coherent story, after the second listening.I have to wonder about prosody. The instrumental mix has a dark, foreboding, bluesy sound that doesn't fit the lyrics that well. It doesn't seem to be the groove that would lift this lyrical idea to where it wants to be, in my humble opinion.I mean, think about it. The hero in the song has made the right decision, is not going to mess up his current relationship for a fling with an old flame. This is GOOD news. It needs to have musical underpinnings that reflect that.There is a convention I utilize in my reviews. It's called "TCL", and it goes like this.Our Moms & Dads, sisters, brothers, what have you, all love the songs we write. But they are not the ones whose opinions mean the most.That honor falls upon a person who I call The Casual Listener (TCL). TCL doesn't know us. He/she has never heard of us. The only thing he/she has to go by is our SONG.I will refer to TCL in this review, so it's necessary I explain all that. Back to the song.Okay, now were going line by lyric line."A lover from my distant past from Dallas beckoned me."How about "...Dallas CALLED me"? Nobody says, "She BECKONED me". Make it more conversational, wherever you can. Just to nitpick, the preposition before "Dallas" should be "in", not "from"."Got into my pickup and drove reluctantly"Really? I'm not so sure about the "reluctantly" thing.When this chick first calls you, you're in anticipation of a hot weekend. It's not until your further on down the road that the reluctance comes in.(Continued in "Artist's Submitted Question" section)

Quote From Pro: Charles Edmund Carter is on the verge of becoming a top writer.

Promised Land by Stanford

Broadjam Artist: StanfordSong: Promised LandBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Doug Diamond (Music Supervisor, Engineer, Producer, Composer )Pro General Comments: Hi Stanford -Greetings from Nashville. Hope you are doing well. Thanks for letting me know about you …

Stanford

Broadjam Artist: Stanford
Song: Promised Land

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Doug Diamond (Music Supervisor, Engineer, Producer, Composer )

Pro General Comments: Hi Stanford -Greetings from Nashville. Hope you are doing well. Thanks for letting me know about you and what you're doing, as well as your tune. Yes, I would agree that "Promised Land" is Low-Fi/Indie/Alternative Rock. I think that's an accurate description. Some bands and artists have a hard time describing their type of music/genre, so I think it's great that you have.I would call "Promised Land" *unique* (versus "different" - which it is that too). I sort of like the low-fi recording technique and overall sound it has. However, in the world of sync for TV, film, commercials, games, etc., the quality or sound of the recording itself is very important as most of the time it is not recut or re-recorded, so the original recording is used. What you have here is unique-sounding by itself and could lend itself to a particular type of sync placement that not everybody would be capable of pulling off. I think you do so in a very original type of way. I think with further development and work, your song and you as an artist/producer show a lot of promise and talent, so keep up the good work.On the low-fi aspect, I am not clear if that is purposeful (having a unique sound is what you're going for) or if that is more of an outcome of the way you work, your gear, and your experience/know-how. Either way, it does have a certain charm to it. Admittedly, from a sync and music supervisor standpoint, it is original-sounding, however the projects I could pitch it for would be few and far between based on the quality of the recording, primarily.Ideally for sync or pro applications, you would use low-fi as an effect versus a main/overall sound that you don't deviate from. Does that make sense?If you want to stay low-fi, you're there. If you want to bump up your game a bit and are working on getting to the point where crystal-clear, pro-sounding recordings are what you are after, you still have some work to do of course, but that doesn't mean it will take forever to get there. Practice will certainly give you more ideas and make you better at doing whatever you are trying to do (that goes for anything in life).I like the vocal performance and instrumental performances overall. Are there small things to fix? Yes, but it certainly is manageable. Same for the recording itself.To me, I listen first with an ear for what I call the production value - the technical aspects of the recording, mix, and master. I do this because, for the projects I work on as a music supervisor, we're using your original recording, so it has to be stellar, sound professional, and top-notch. None of my clients have the time or budget to take a really great song with a horrible recording and re-record/mix/master it - so therefore, it has to sound great out of the box. If it doesn't, I typically pass on it because I know my clients will as well.In the case of "Promised Land", I can hear the potential of the song. I like the melody/hook you have come up with and I do like your performances - the vocals and instrumentation. I do think there are things you can fix and make better, but in general, you are definitely heading in the right direction.Hopefully that helps. I'll address your other comments below.Sincerely,Doug

Quote From Pro: "Promised Land" by Stanford shows promise indeed. His low-fi recording technique is very interesting - and when combined with good songwriting and melodies, it makes for a nice combination of originality and uniqueness that I haven't really heard before.

In Dreamland by Charles Edmund Carter

Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund CarterSong: In DreamlandBroadjam Pro Reviewer: Nikki Hornsby (Songwriter, Artist, Producer, Arranger)Pro General Comments: Opening 00:00 to 00:12 is good for what I feel is like a Disneyland type song which maybe used fo…

Charles Edmund Carter

Broadjam Artist: Charles Edmund Carter
Song: In Dreamland

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Nikki Hornsby (Songwriter, Artist, Producer, Arranger)

Pro General Comments: Opening 00:00 to 00:12 is good for what I feel is like a Disneyland type song which maybe used for a potential film production. It then does progress and additions of strings is good various other sweetening towards the steps it takes the listener. The song after some mastering and finishing up a little more studio work would be better showing what the listener may enjoy as a sweet dreamland imagination ride for all ages even for a heart of youth. The pop easy listening is a good category since the vocalist has this type of delivery style. But there are some things that your professional engineer can work on from 2:24-2:25. Also the arrangement of some tweaking notes in vocal work at 2:52-56 may need attention as it feels better for your vocalist to not just holding the note out which may show feeling of the meaning of the message (maybe kick up the vocal lead notes) may help in building up the gaining progressions in the feel of the song. Maybe a professional proven producer might give the writer this suggestion in your session towards the end where the mastering session starts as we know sets it all in cement which you know the creative process ends then off towards label work steps of manufacturing etc. As a songwriter think of the end to reach which is always the consumer and how each step of your Dreamland will get you there and pull the listener into the feel at the end and then they will want to repeat listening to Dreamland over and over. In some places someone once called this an ear worm which I didn't like that thought but it's because it does NOT get out of your head and hard to remove. That's a simple key for many doors in the music recording business where the songwriters with the passion may want to achieve and place on a ring towards a million more and then keep on going!

Quote From Pro: Dreamland is a dreamy type of Disney film style tune once it's polished as brightly as its potential can be. The start of the song leads the listener into the dreamland of where the words of a fairytale type picture may come into the listeners mind step by step that this music & lyrics provides with the sweet easy listening vocal. Pleasing feel and thank you for sharing. I look forward to hearing and reviewing more of your work in the future.

Ninety Proof (Featuring Bryan Harkness) by Tim Sharp

Broadjam Artist: Tim SharpSong: Ninety Proof (Featuring Bryan Harkness)Broadjam Pro Reviewer: Nikki Hornsby (Songwriter, Artist, Producer, Arranger)Pro General Comments: Tim, the subject has been used in many other country songs but regardless of that …

Tim Sharp

Broadjam Artist: Tim Sharp
Song: Ninety Proof (Featuring Bryan Harkness)

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Nikki Hornsby (Songwriter, Artist, Producer, Arranger)

Pro General Comments: Tim, the subject has been used in many other country songs but regardless of that I love to hear your work in that it's polished. I'm now beginning to think your marketing is all you need to do with a few of your finished song products. I think you already know I'm honored again that you picked my reviewing in details with any of your work(s). A great pleasure as with this song I also called my office today in Europe to share and they response was great and "What artist does this song most remind you of?" I asked and that was Johnny Cash. I would not have thought of since often the Europeans honor the old living or dead country artists like Lorrette Lynn even Paul Anka to Sinatra it seems. Careers for recording artists in Europe last longer than in USA as did Mozart and other centuries classical compositions.

Quote From Pro: Tim, this is a good song and production I'm glad to hear here on BJ for the pro reviewing. Trust me, I'm now getting hooked on your 90 proof of song material which is more 120 proof good grain. I just was informed that broadcasting may be for shorter song minutes in the future but in film that isn't an issue. I think making a short version and the long version is a marketing ploy too. In closing, this year's group of songs I've reviewed has given me great hope that you will reach any level your team wishes to achieve in the professional songwriting business. I look forward to hearing and reviewing many more that you may submit through the BJ's pro reviewing with my perspective. God bless you and those you've been working with all this time. Good job and again I Thank You!