Broadjam Artist: frank falgares
Song: WHEN YOU'RE HERE
Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Diana Williamson (Songwriter, Music Supervisor)
Pro General Comments: Hi Frank- nice to meet you in cyberspace! Thanks for sending your song in for review.Please note I don't rate individual instrumentation since my expertise lies more in marketability, lyric, melody, and overall performance.You have a really captivating vocal/voice going on here. It has a earnest appeal along with a bit of mystery and rock solid feel. It reminds me of some of our great 80's singers who really rocked the spectrum and they will always be great- even though the styles are changing (who can say for the better or not)- but nevertheless- a powerful rock vocal is always king in my book. Another cool thing about the vocal is it has a familiar ring to it- I put down "Yes" as a similar sound but that isn't quite right- I just can't place it- and I know it will come to me later after I send in this review!You also have some nice guitar parts and backing vocal parts that are really tasty. I think they can be milked A LOT more. "When You're Here" the last line of the chorus, I thought you could almost add a line or two that rises melodically- to create and extend that hook. It's too good of a "feel", a part - to let it end just there.In order for this song to really hit its mark -- I would pay greater attention to having that melodic chorus part - go for broke. For some reason it doesn't feel like it's paying off as much as it should. The music should really rise in the chorus and right now there is a similarity to your various sections which can get repetitive. If you listen to Triumph's "Lay it on the Line" you can see how when their hook comes in- the roof goes off the house- that's what you want to do whenever you can in your songwriting. "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pz26fcmq3S8You have the tools- good production, vocals, guitar work- just make that hook want to grab you by the throat and make us want to sing along.. It's smart that you left the first chorus more acoustic- that way you let your arrangements breathe and kick in. In your lyric- it might be nicer if you get a bit more specific. Give us a few details- right now it could be a lover -it could be someone else. If you said for eg- "Girl- you make me feel alive" or ... something a bit more romantic- it will make your story come more alive. The more you paint a picture the more your audience gets interested.It's usually best to try to keep your lyrics "conversational" that way they don't draw attention to themselves. Read Adele's Grammy winning song of the year's lyrics "Hello" and you will see it reads just like she's talking to an old friend/lover. Lines like "so I search the void that complicates these times"... searching a void- is a bit esoteric- and a bit vague feeling.... Same with "and still anticipate the rain"....You can reel the listener in a bit easier with phrases that are less "talky"- you wouldn't really say I anticipate the rain. Maybe dread the rain or feel the rain... You can really up your hook factor by doing the age old tactic of making every other line pay off with a rhyme. It's easy to do and it works. Some of your lines aren't rhyming as much as they could, it would really help the song- be more catchy.You might want to make your bridge- a bit different sonically- perhaps acapella- or acoustic- a bridge should really take you away to a different place and it feels like it could do so a bit more. You have some great background vocals- why not milk them here?
Quote From Pro: Passionate delivery and feel makes this a great eighties type placement.
Broadjam Artist: frank falgares