Broadjam Artist: Sublimaze69
Song: Liar, Liar, (Pants On Fire)
Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Diana Williamson (Songwriter, Music Supervisor)
Pro General Comments: Please note I don't rate individual instrumentation since my expertise lies more in marketability, lyric, melody, and overall performance.Hi Scott:It's always good to take a well worn phrase and use it in a song. This is a good tool for a hook to draw your audience in initially.When building your hook, your main payoff in a song, try to find an accompanying phrase that gives more dimension to your idea and has a strong rhyme. "Liar, liar, pants on fire", - you have a lot of words that could rhyme to play with- higher, desire, etc.. Your hook really needs to have that strong PAYOFF. Also it breaks up the repitition. It gives the song more zest than just repeating the same line.You also really want to have that hook payoff melodically. So build from your verse to the hook so it's something so catchy that a person who hears it once can "whistle it back to you". The old "whistle test" which writers from Tin Pan Alley would use to see if they had a good song. If they played it 2 to 3 times to a someone and that person could whistle it back- they knew they had something catchy. You want to incorporate this every time into your songs. The style you are going seems to work with the subject matter. It's dark and mysterious. Grungy guitars and layered vocals. Really like your reverbed vocals. Your lead vocal feels a bit buried in this particular mix. Try to find a fresh way of making the song stand out. Why not for eg- have some fun and have a female vocalist sing one of the verses- maybe she's reacting to the lead vocalist. Mix things up a bit to make things as interesting as much as possible. Maybe add some dark strings to bring up the arrangement a notch?In the marketplace it's the most inventive that gets heard out there, unless you're an already established artist like "Adelle" who just has to write a simple song Hello- and everyone falls apart. It's the melody in that song that makes it undeniable.Study some hits that are in your vein to see what tricks they use. The Foo Fighters (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBjQ9tuuTJQ) for eg may be an interesting one- it really came in with a bang on to the airwaves. It also talks about lying in an interesting way- "Pretender". You might want to try and be a little more specific in your lyrics. Mysterious is good but vague only gets confusing. Also try and keep your lines "everyday speech" something someone would actually say. This lends credibility and allows people to understand what you are really trying to say. If they don't they will lose interest."And pain you "lace" inside- is not a phrase someone would say- lace doesn't really make sense. Try to make your words flow smoothly so they don't attract attention because they don't make sense. "So many stories told?Information thats better, to with hold" This feels a bit like a "forced rhyme", something you tried too hard to make to fit. "You just don't see me seein' through what you see". This phrase also feels a bit awkward. A person wouldn't say this in real life. Keep it conversational and it will work better.Give us a beginning middle and end in a song. Who is this person to the singer, a lover, a friend? We want to know how the singer feels about this person- draw us into your story if you want us to care. For eg, an "end" to the story might be the singer walking away or the singer saying I'll be there for you when you decide to change. Have some kind of resolution and the song will feel more complete.
Quote From Pro: Good, aggressive rock vibe.
Broadjam Artist: Sublimaze69