There’s Too Many People… by Sublimaze69

Sublimaze69

Broadjam Artist: Sublimaze69
Song: There's Too Many People...

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Diana Williamson (Songwriter, Music Supervisor)

Pro General Comments: HI Scott:Please note I don't rate individual instrumentation since my expertise lies more in marketability, lyric, melody, and overall performance.You have an interesting way of creating the vocal effects. It's really fun in its attitude and vibe.Before I read your lyrics, this is the vibe I got from your song which is completely different once I read your lyric:What would really bring up the song is increasing your melodic contrast and builds. Right now it works if you cut the song short. I can see you working with this for the background in a film in a comedic type scene. Do you know any student filmmakers you can work with and provide some bg music?For eg., I could see a comedic type character walking through a marketplace in India, maybe someone spiked his drink and he is seeing double vision while trying to find his way back to his hotel in a foreign place. This type of song in the background could suit a bewildered comic character who the audience thinks is funny. Many times filmmakers use contrasting music to play against a scene.As mentioned earlier the melody would have to go somewhere new if you were going to use it for something else to break up the repetition. It's also good to vary up the dynamics in such a case. You want to build to the hook not give it away right away.After reading about the lyrics, it obviously doesn't seem like a comedic song due to the subject matter, man's heartlessness. So I would either change the lyric a bit to suit the vibe of the song or change the music up a bit to suit the style of the music.Just an idea, not sure if you're interested or your bg. But you might have fun doing music for sketches. There are so many people making shorts nowadays and they all need music. You might want to try your hand at this and see where it takes you. It's always great fun to see your music on film and meeting new collaborators could help your create process.You are following a good rhyme scheme. When talking about heavy subject matter It's probably a good idea to have three verses at the most and try to evolve the subject matter when moving from one to the following. Then possibly break it up with a bridge that takes the song somewhere new.Have fun and good luck.

Quote From Pro: Song shows a potential for possible media collaborations with filmmakers.

There’s Too Many People… by Sublimaze69

Sublimaze69

Broadjam Artist: Sublimaze69
Song: There's Too Many People...

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Diana Williamson (Songwriter, Music Supervisor)

Pro General Comments: HI Scott:Please note I don't rate individual instrumentation since my expertise lies more in marketability, lyric, melody, and overall performance.You have an interesting way of creating the vocal effects. It's really fun in its attitude and vibe.Before I read your lyrics, this is the vibe I got from your song which is completely different once I read your lyric:What would really bring up the song is increasing your melodic contrast and builds. Right now it works if you cut the song short. I can see you working with this for the background in a film in a comedic type scene. Do you know any student filmmakers you can work with and provide some bg music?For eg., I could see a comedic type character walking through a marketplace in India, maybe someone spiked his drink and he is seeing double vision while trying to find his way back to his hotel in a foreign place. This type of song in the background could suit a bewildered comic character who the audience thinks is funny. Many times filmmakers use contrasting music to play against a scene.As mentioned earlier the melody would have to go somewhere new if you were going to use it for something else to break up the repetition. It's also good to vary up the dynamics in such a case. You want to build to the hook not give it away right away.After reading about the lyrics, it obviously doesn't seem like a comedic song due to the subject matter, man's heartlessness. So I would either change the lyric a bit to suit the vibe of the song or change the music up a bit to suit the style of the music.Just an idea, not sure if you're interested or your bg. But you might have fun doing music for sketches. There are so many people making shorts nowadays and they all need music. You might want to try your hand at this and see where it takes you. It's always great fun to see your music on film and meeting new collaborators could help your create process.You are following a good rhyme scheme. When talking about heavy subject matter It's probably a good idea to have three verses at the most and try to evolve the subject matter when moving from one to the following. Then possibly break it up with a bridge that takes the song somewhere new.Have fun and good luck.

Quote From Pro: Song shows a potential for possible media collaborations with filmmakers.

Liar, Liar, (Pants On Fire) by Sublimaze69

Sublimaze69

Broadjam Artist: Sublimaze69
Song: Liar, Liar, (Pants On Fire)

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Diana Williamson (Songwriter, Music Supervisor)

Pro General Comments: Please note I don't rate individual instrumentation since my expertise lies more in marketability, lyric, melody, and overall performance.Hi Scott:It's always good to take a well worn phrase and use it in a song. This is a good tool for a hook to draw your audience in initially.When building your hook, your main payoff in a song, try to find an accompanying phrase that gives more dimension to your idea and has a strong rhyme. "Liar, liar, pants on fire", - you have a lot of words that could rhyme to play with- higher, desire, etc.. Your hook really needs to have that strong PAYOFF. Also it breaks up the repitition. It gives the song more zest than just repeating the same line.You also really want to have that hook payoff melodically. So build from your verse to the hook so it's something so catchy that a person who hears it once can "whistle it back to you". The old "whistle test" which writers from Tin Pan Alley would use to see if they had a good song. If they played it 2 to 3 times to a someone and that person could whistle it back- they knew they had something catchy. You want to incorporate this every time into your songs. The style you are going seems to work with the subject matter. It's dark and mysterious. Grungy guitars and layered vocals. Really like your reverbed vocals. Your lead vocal feels a bit buried in this particular mix. Try to find a fresh way of making the song stand out. Why not for eg- have some fun and have a female vocalist sing one of the verses- maybe she's reacting to the lead vocalist. Mix things up a bit to make things as interesting as much as possible. Maybe add some dark strings to bring up the arrangement a notch?In the marketplace it's the most inventive that gets heard out there, unless you're an already established artist like "Adelle" who just has to write a simple song Hello- and everyone falls apart. It's the melody in that song that makes it undeniable.Study some hits that are in your vein to see what tricks they use. The Foo Fighters (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBjQ9tuuTJQ) for eg may be an interesting one- it really came in with a bang on to the airwaves. It also talks about lying in an interesting way- "Pretender". You might want to try and be a little more specific in your lyrics. Mysterious is good but vague only gets confusing. Also try and keep your lines "everyday speech" something someone would actually say. This lends credibility and allows people to understand what you are really trying to say. If they don't they will lose interest."And pain you "lace" inside- is not a phrase someone would say- lace doesn't really make sense. Try to make your words flow smoothly so they don't attract attention because they don't make sense. "So many stories told?Information thats better, to with hold" This feels a bit like a "forced rhyme", something you tried too hard to make to fit. "You just don't see me seein' through what you see". This phrase also feels a bit awkward. A person wouldn't say this in real life. Keep it conversational and it will work better.Give us a beginning middle and end in a song. Who is this person to the singer, a lover, a friend? We want to know how the singer feels about this person- draw us into your story if you want us to care. For eg, an "end" to the story might be the singer walking away or the singer saying I'll be there for you when you decide to change. Have some kind of resolution and the song will feel more complete.

Quote From Pro: Good, aggressive rock vibe.

Liar, Liar, (Pants On Fire) by Sublimaze69

Sublimaze69

Broadjam Artist: Sublimaze69
Song: Liar, Liar, (Pants On Fire)

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Diana Williamson (Songwriter, Music Supervisor)

Pro General Comments: Please note I don't rate individual instrumentation since my expertise lies more in marketability, lyric, melody, and overall performance.Hi Scott:It's always good to take a well worn phrase and use it in a song. This is a good tool for a hook to draw your audience in initially.When building your hook, your main payoff in a song, try to find an accompanying phrase that gives more dimension to your idea and has a strong rhyme. "Liar, liar, pants on fire", - you have a lot of words that could rhyme to play with- higher, desire, etc.. Your hook really needs to have that strong PAYOFF. Also it breaks up the repitition. It gives the song more zest than just repeating the same line.You also really want to have that hook payoff melodically. So build from your verse to the hook so it's something so catchy that a person who hears it once can "whistle it back to you". The old "whistle test" which writers from Tin Pan Alley would use to see if they had a good song. If they played it 2 to 3 times to a someone and that person could whistle it back- they knew they had something catchy. You want to incorporate this every time into your songs. The style you are going seems to work with the subject matter. It's dark and mysterious. Grungy guitars and layered vocals. Really like your reverbed vocals. Your lead vocal feels a bit buried in this particular mix. Try to find a fresh way of making the song stand out. Why not for eg- have some fun and have a female vocalist sing one of the verses- maybe she's reacting to the lead vocalist. Mix things up a bit to make things as interesting as much as possible. Maybe add some dark strings to bring up the arrangement a notch?In the marketplace it's the most inventive that gets heard out there, unless you're an already established artist like "Adelle" who just has to write a simple song Hello- and everyone falls apart. It's the melody in that song that makes it undeniable.Study some hits that are in your vein to see what tricks they use. The Foo Fighters (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBjQ9tuuTJQ) for eg may be an interesting one- it really came in with a bang on to the airwaves. It also talks about lying in an interesting way- "Pretender". You might want to try and be a little more specific in your lyrics. Mysterious is good but vague only gets confusing. Also try and keep your lines "everyday speech" something someone would actually say. This lends credibility and allows people to understand what you are really trying to say. If they don't they will lose interest."And pain you "lace" inside- is not a phrase someone would say- lace doesn't really make sense. Try to make your words flow smoothly so they don't attract attention because they don't make sense. "So many stories told?Information thats better, to with hold" This feels a bit like a "forced rhyme", something you tried too hard to make to fit. "You just don't see me seein' through what you see". This phrase also feels a bit awkward. A person wouldn't say this in real life. Keep it conversational and it will work better.Give us a beginning middle and end in a song. Who is this person to the singer, a lover, a friend? We want to know how the singer feels about this person- draw us into your story if you want us to care. For eg, an "end" to the story might be the singer walking away or the singer saying I'll be there for you when you decide to change. Have some kind of resolution and the song will feel more complete.

Quote From Pro: Good, aggressive rock vibe.

We Are Our Race by Sublimaze69

Sublimaze69

Broadjam Artist: Sublimaze69
Song: We Are Our Race

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Diana Williamson (Songwriter, Music Supervisor)

Pro General Comments: Hi Scott:I like the peppy vibe of your song and the backgrounds are done in an effective manner. Since it's a sample length I'm thinking you may want some advice /opinions before making an entire song of it which is wise so you start off on the right track. So far so good!Now you state your songs are rock/alternative but like merging different styles. This song feels like it could incorporate some reggae elements. The subject matter might lend itself to this so you might want to study some reggae hits and see what kind of arrangements they use and fuse the two. Do some homework and study some of the hits. This can only help you see what is working in the marketplace. For eg UB40's Red Red Wine was a huge hit that merged pop with a reggae feel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzVyTEDnj4g This lyric video shows you how they write and space our their lyrics. It's an old song but it still gets played on radio- of course you may want to study newer ones as well. Ben Harper and Jack Johnston may be some good artists to study. Ben is particularly good at taking a phrase and making it clever but marketable. When writing songs about the human race- this is one of the hardest subjects to tackle- because unfortunately people shie away from hard subjects it seems these days. They turn to music for escape and to distress a lot of the times which is why pop dance is so big. So if you write about a difficult subject which is a good thing to do- the best way most of the time is to do it -is to try and educate them while entertaining them. (A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down). People don't like to be preached to- so you have to do it in a manner which they feel they aren't being preached to.It may have something to do with the pace of the world. In the 60's and 70's- there were more social commentary songs and people were listening. Even Pink Floyd's songs about society and Supertramp had some dark themes but people ate them up. It would be a good use of time to study some of the hits that talk about society and how they did it. It changes in the different eras.With today's marke that is a lot of dance- even country is going pop!! You wanna make things whenever possible a little more subtle or clever. "Now the term we are our race" is a bit vague. You want to come up with a hook or title that is something that if a person looked at a cd of 50 songs- your hook would jump out at them. It doesn't have to be all that clever- either - but it has to strike an emotional chord that they might want to hear about. For eg on the top of the charts right now- is "Stressed Out", "Never Forget You" and "Sorry". They may not be extremely original but they may be something you might want to tune into if you are going through that emotion. Try to tweak that title a bit. For eg "Come Together" by the Beatles is a title that might reflect what you are saying. (titles can be used a million times- they are not copyrightable). Or "We are One Heart" beating, we are one heart feeling, come together now and feel the heat.... Feel the fire. When you're happy, so am I, when you're down, you make me cry cause we're all one heart beating.... That kind of thing.This is the kind of route you could take with the song if you like. Feel free to use the ideas. But that is a way you keep your audience listening but you're not accusing them of wrongdoing. You're making your point in a way that draws people together.Right now it feels like you gave me half of your hook. Try to give us a line that rhymes with your title. Rhymes increase the catchiness and make people remember. Start your song with a short intro, a sparser verse and then build to your hook- where the arrangements go full out. You might want to experiment with some strings in the chorus or a fun loop to make the song as interesting as it can be.Nice idea- good luck!

Quote From Pro: Artist has a soulful vibe.

We Are Our Race by Sublimaze69

Sublimaze69

Broadjam Artist: Sublimaze69
Song: We Are Our Race

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Diana Williamson (Songwriter, Music Supervisor)

Pro General Comments: Hi Scott:I like the peppy vibe of your song and the backgrounds are done in an effective manner. Since it's a sample length I'm thinking you may want some advice /opinions before making an entire song of it which is wise so you start off on the right track. So far so good!Now you state your songs are rock/alternative but like merging different styles. This song feels like it could incorporate some reggae elements. The subject matter might lend itself to this so you might want to study some reggae hits and see what kind of arrangements they use and fuse the two. Do some homework and study some of the hits. This can only help you see what is working in the marketplace. For eg UB40's Red Red Wine was a huge hit that merged pop with a reggae feel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzVyTEDnj4g This lyric video shows you how they write and space our their lyrics. It's an old song but it still gets played on radio- of course you may want to study newer ones as well. Ben Harper and Jack Johnston may be some good artists to study. Ben is particularly good at taking a phrase and making it clever but marketable. When writing songs about the human race- this is one of the hardest subjects to tackle- because unfortunately people shie away from hard subjects it seems these days. They turn to music for escape and to distress a lot of the times which is why pop dance is so big. So if you write about a difficult subject which is a good thing to do- the best way most of the time is to do it -is to try and educate them while entertaining them. (A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down). People don't like to be preached to- so you have to do it in a manner which they feel they aren't being preached to.It may have something to do with the pace of the world. In the 60's and 70's- there were more social commentary songs and people were listening. Even Pink Floyd's songs about society and Supertramp had some dark themes but people ate them up. It would be a good use of time to study some of the hits that talk about society and how they did it. It changes in the different eras.With today's marke that is a lot of dance- even country is going pop!! You wanna make things whenever possible a little more subtle or clever. "Now the term we are our race" is a bit vague. You want to come up with a hook or title that is something that if a person looked at a cd of 50 songs- your hook would jump out at them. It doesn't have to be all that clever- either - but it has to strike an emotional chord that they might want to hear about. For eg on the top of the charts right now- is "Stressed Out", "Never Forget You" and "Sorry". They may not be extremely original but they may be something you might want to tune into if you are going through that emotion. Try to tweak that title a bit. For eg "Come Together" by the Beatles is a title that might reflect what you are saying. (titles can be used a million times- they are not copyrightable). Or "We are One Heart" beating, we are one heart feeling, come together now and feel the heat.... Feel the fire. When you're happy, so am I, when you're down, you make me cry cause we're all one heart beating.... That kind of thing.This is the kind of route you could take with the song if you like. Feel free to use the ideas. But that is a way you keep your audience listening but you're not accusing them of wrongdoing. You're making your point in a way that draws people together.Right now it feels like you gave me half of your hook. Try to give us a line that rhymes with your title. Rhymes increase the catchiness and make people remember. Start your song with a short intro, a sparser verse and then build to your hook- where the arrangements go full out. You might want to experiment with some strings in the chorus or a fun loop to make the song as interesting as it can be.Nice idea- good luck!

Quote From Pro: Artist has a soulful vibe.

Whispered by Jaeme Worelds

Jaeme Worelds

Broadjam Artist: Jaeme Worelds
Song: Whispered

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Roy Hamilton (Songwriter and Producer)

Pro General Comments: I want to first say congratulations on creating such an amazing song and getting it to completion! It definitely has a Top 40 feeling to it, someone like Kelly Clarkson, Demi Levato or Katy Perry (Among other artists) would love and sing a song like this. The opening line is great and the story flows nicely. If I could say one thing as a constructive critique, maybe there could be a little more space in between the chorus and 2nd verse and then another short 1 bar break before the song ends, Just to add a little room. I love the musical hooks that are happening with the guitar and the way the synths work together with the overall melody.

Quote From Pro: Jaeme Worelds has a bright future as a singer/songwriter! I want to first say congratulations on creating such an amazing song and getting it to completion! It definitely has a Top 40 feeling to it, someone like Kelly Clarkson, Demi Levato or Katy Perry (Among other artists) would love and sing a song like this. The opening line is great and the story flows nicely. If I could say one thing as a constructive critique, maybe there could be a little more space in between the chorus and 2nd verse and then another short 1 bar break before the song ends, Just to add a little room. I love the musical hooks that are happening with the guitar and the way the synths work together with the overall melody.

Whispered by Jaeme Worelds

Jaeme Worelds

Broadjam Artist: Jaeme Worelds
Song: Whispered

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Roy Hamilton (Songwriter and Producer)

Pro General Comments: I want to first say congratulations on creating such an amazing song and getting it to completion! It definitely has a Top 40 feeling to it, someone like Kelly Clarkson, Demi Levato or Katy Perry (Among other artists) would love and sing a song like this. The opening line is great and the story flows nicely. If I could say one thing as a constructive critique, maybe there could be a little more space in between the chorus and 2nd verse and then another short 1 bar break before the song ends, Just to add a little room. I love the musical hooks that are happening with the guitar and the way the synths work together with the overall melody.

Quote From Pro: Jaeme Worelds has a bright future as a singer/songwriter! I want to first say congratulations on creating such an amazing song and getting it to completion! It definitely has a Top 40 feeling to it, someone like Kelly Clarkson, Demi Levato or Katy Perry (Among other artists) would love and sing a song like this. The opening line is great and the story flows nicely. If I could say one thing as a constructive critique, maybe there could be a little more space in between the chorus and 2nd verse and then another short 1 bar break before the song ends, Just to add a little room. I love the musical hooks that are happening with the guitar and the way the synths work together with the overall melody.

Home by J.J. McGuigan

J.J. McGuigan

Broadjam Artist: J.J. McGuigan
Song: Home

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Brian Rasner (Music Supervisor)

Pro General Comments: Impressed how fast song drew me in so quickly. The song like the title and subject matter fittingly are straight to the point and not over saturated in a good way as not being too complicated to mask the artistic expression..the nice feeling and sentiments of song wanting to be home, away from the wondering, complications, uncertainty..seeing clearly that Home whether physical or otherwise is where he needs to be.Reminds me of J Mascis solo work but you might know him of Dinosaur Jr. Fame. Vocally have a lot of the same reflections and get into similar territory which is a compliment. Guitar solo too..he's well known for his prowess and lead guitar lines. Memorable and strikes right at the Heart.Sometimes you just want to hear a song that feels good, not too edgy, over run with heaviness and complexity, one that you can nod your head to with instant feeling..this song has accomplished it. I appreciate the fact that its memorable right off the bat with just a couple of listens because it taps into a place we all have been and felt in our lives. Lyrically you did this excellently. The guitar lines lead us there, all the while tugging on our heart strings. Vocally its an emotional roll down your window while driving pondering landscapes or city lights it doesn't matter its universal, and I think that's something everyone can hear and appreciate The only thing I would love to hear is if you added or even replaced the guitar solo with that of a pedal steel or even a slide..To me this would do a lot and the subltly tug a little deeper when your vocals aren't there to guide. Overall great work and I will look forward to hearing more from you J.J.!

Quote From Pro: 'Home' a song that speaks to the universal desire in us all who have lost our way and feel that craving deep down inside of us wanting more, rushing out us as fast as our Hearts can beat, this is you're theme song. Roll down your windows and head for Home

Home by J.J. McGuigan

J.J. McGuigan

Broadjam Artist: J.J. McGuigan
Song: Home

Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Brian Rasner (Music Supervisor)

Pro General Comments: Impressed how fast song drew me in so quickly. The song like the title and subject matter fittingly are straight to the point and not over saturated in a good way as not being too complicated to mask the artistic expression..the nice feeling and sentiments of song wanting to be home, away from the wondering, complications, uncertainty..seeing clearly that Home whether physical or otherwise is where he needs to be.Reminds me of J Mascis solo work but you might know him of Dinosaur Jr. Fame. Vocally have a lot of the same reflections and get into similar territory which is a compliment. Guitar solo too..he's well known for his prowess and lead guitar lines. Memorable and strikes right at the Heart.Sometimes you just want to hear a song that feels good, not too edgy, over run with heaviness and complexity, one that you can nod your head to with instant feeling..this song has accomplished it. I appreciate the fact that its memorable right off the bat with just a couple of listens because it taps into a place we all have been and felt in our lives. Lyrically you did this excellently. The guitar lines lead us there, all the while tugging on our heart strings. Vocally its an emotional roll down your window while driving pondering landscapes or city lights it doesn't matter its universal, and I think that's something everyone can hear and appreciate The only thing I would love to hear is if you added or even replaced the guitar solo with that of a pedal steel or even a slide..To me this would do a lot and the subltly tug a little deeper when your vocals aren't there to guide. Overall great work and I will look forward to hearing more from you J.J.!

Quote From Pro: 'Home' a song that speaks to the universal desire in us all who have lost our way and feel that craving deep down inside of us wanting more, rushing out us as fast as our Hearts can beat, this is you're theme song. Roll down your windows and head for Home