Broadjam Artist: matt taylor
Song: Gone to Stay Kmix2
Broadjam Pro Reviewer:
Tirk Wilder (Songwriter, Performer)
Pro General Comments: Okay, Matt, usual good feel, usual smooth voice, usual good work. I'm getting used to hearing that from you these days.I think it might be a mistake to entitle this song, "Gone To Stay". You only mention that phrase once in your lyric, and nothing else refers to it. I think the name of your song is "Goodbye".Secondly, you seem to be saying the same thing, conveying the same sentiment in all three verses, and you do that by using a LOT of clichs. For example, "to carry on"? PLEASE. Not unless you're discussing baggage and an aircraft. It's so overused, it's meaningless.None of them would be effective even if they were standing alone, but in groups like this, they get kinda wearying. What makes it that way is you are TELLING the listener how you feel, not SHOWING them. After a while, the casual listener says, "What do *I* care?"Give them images. A lamp to sell in your garage sale. A half-packed suitcase lying on the bed. A pile of wet tissues in the wastebasket next to the door. A UHaul truck parked out front with its ramp down. A fresh "For Sale" sign on the front lawn. Boxes sitting just inside an open garage door. You could almost make this into a powerful song by making a LIST of images like that, images that say, "Goodbye".Images involve the listener in a much more visceral way than expository prose (telling people how you feel).Another thing to keep in mind is the song form I mentioned in my review of "Sometimes You Just Don't See It Coming". Verse, CHORUS, Verse, CHORUS, Bridge, CHORUS?I believe your CHORUS is just the word "Goodbye" (the way you do it here, that is), and that is COOL. It is a fresh take on the word, full of emotion. I'd leave that alone.But the verses need to be shoved back into the recycle bin. Re-write them with IMAGERY. Make me SEE stuff that pertains to "goodbye". Verse 2 cannot be a repetition of verse 1.Remember, you only have to write TWO verses.Then you come up with a simple two line bridge. Something that ties the whole thing together.THEN do the last four "Goodbyes" just like you have them here and fade out...Brings you in at about three minutes. The way you have it here it's north of 4 minutes 35 seconds. That length used to fly back in the 70's and 80's, but this is a new millennium. Three minutes and the attention span of the casual listener begins to wander. You want to be out before that happens, leaving them wanting MORE, you dig?And don't let that pedal steel player too far out of your sight. Sucker's GOOD, and them that are are hard to find.Proud of ya, son. You're doing REALLY good work here.
Quote From Pro: One listen and you will be a fan of Matt Taylor.
Broadjam Artist: matt taylor